1. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    When the bus of an addicted fantasy gamer stops at a Utopian town, he will do anything to remain there, whilst resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle.

    obie1jonobi Logliner

    I can?t help but agree with the other reviewers. There needs to be a clear tie between the character and his goal. What about this ?Utopian town? makes your protagonist want to remain there so badly? Beyond that, I?m confused by the last part. I?m not sure what ?resisting the unusual secret to theirRead more

    I can?t help but agree with the other reviewers. There needs to be a clear tie between the character and his goal. What about this ?Utopian town? makes your protagonist want to remain there so badly?

    Beyond that, I?m confused by the last part. I?m not sure what ?resisting the unusual secret to their perfect lifestyle? means. Do you mean to say that he is trying to stay himself, not being taken in by this ?secret? or are you saying that the town is actively trying to change him, something akin to ?The Stepford Wives?? The latter is the feeling that I?m getting, but I?m unsure.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    After her big crush reveals himself as a werewolf, a vampire girl must find a way around her orthodox family to get together

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    If you're going? to play the Jewish schtick... When an ultra-orthodox vampire falls in love with a worldly, reformed werewolf,? she must convince her traditional family to accept him. (21 words) fwiw

    If you’re going? to play the Jewish schtick…

    When an ultra-orthodox vampire falls in love with a worldly, reformed werewolf,? she must convince her traditional family to accept him.
    (21 words)

    fwiw

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: April 7, 2018In:

    A sleepaholic student from Los Angeles is determined to find the girl in his dreams, eventually leading him to a spiritual world called soul space, an intermediate dimension which exists between heaven and hell

    Best Answer
    dpg Singularity

    >>>what if the inciting incident is a major twist?Very good question.? If it's a major twist then it may be a good candidate for a story? hook, something that captures reader interest, makes them want to read the script.And logines are sales pitches -- not teasers.? So never withhold or burRead more

    >>>what if the inciting incident is a major twist?

    Very good question.? If it’s a major twist then it may be a good candidate for a story? hook, something that captures reader interest, makes them want to read the script.

    And logines are sales pitches — not teasers.? So never withhold or bury a story hook.

    Major twists that occur in the 1st Act should be in the logline.? Major twists that occur at the end of Act 2 or in Act 3 should never be in a logline. — that would constitute a spoiler.

    Another variation:? the twist can be ironical:? something the audience knows about but the protagonist? discovers much later.? Such is the case with the logline I posted for the movie “The Bank Job”.? The audience is in on the story twist from the start, that the motley crew has been set up.? ?But only at the midpoint, after pulling off the heist, do they discover they’ve been set up.

    See less
    • 0