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When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go with them to the lair of a savage yeti tribe to rescue and awaken the only goddess who can end the ice age.
>>>When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go..Why must they go?? What step in the cause-and-effect logic am I not seeing here?>>>to rescue and awaken the only goddessHow can a goddess who needs to be rescued be potent enough to turn back the ice age?Read more
>>>When they accidentally unfreeze a war party, two cavemen brothers must go..
Why must they go?? What step in the cause-and-effect logic am I not seeing here?
>>>to rescue and awaken the only goddess
How can a goddess who needs to be rescued be potent enough to turn back the ice age?? If she can’t rescue herself, how can it be that she has the power to rescue everyone else?
See lessA greedy bounty hunter falsely accused of regicide must race against outlaws to earn a wish and clear his name.
The "wish-granting land" seems to keep tripping up logline readers.The concept is hard to grasp because it refers to some vague place rather than a wish granting person (like a fairy or a wizard).? How can a place grant a wish? Doesn't that require some kind of consciousness to be able to do so.? AnRead more
The “wish-granting land” seems to keep tripping up logline readers.
The concept is hard to grasp because it refers to some vague place rather than a wish granting person (like a fairy or a wizard).? How can a place grant a wish? Doesn’t that require some kind of consciousness to be able to do so.? And if there is a consciousness, how can a place have a mind of its own?
It also run counters to the current conventions of drama (even fantasy) where it the dramatic job of the protagonist to make his own wishes come true.? He can’t outsource it to some other person, place or thing.? Or if he can, it has ironic, unintended, negative consequences; hence, it doesn’t represent the final solution, only a further compounding of his dramatic predicament.
A logline should create curiosity, not confusion.? I suggest that if you intend to stay with a wish-granting place rather than a person, drop it from the logline and introduce and develop it in the script.? Because it’s going to take considerable exposition to sell the idea to an audience, to answer all the questions it raises.? And the purpose of a logline is to sell a story — not explain it.
fwiw
See lessA bounty hunter and a renegade race against the power-hungry to find an utopia lost in time.
Your rewrites are heading in the right direction but you need to focus the logline on the 'outer journey' and only indicate the 'inner' one by describing his or her flaw - if you describe the MC as 'selfish' or 'greedy' it is clear they will have to learn generosity during the course of the story. TRead more
Your rewrites are heading in the right direction but you need to focus the logline on the ‘outer journey’ and only indicate the ‘inner’ one by describing his or her flaw – if you describe the MC as ‘selfish’ or ‘greedy’ it is clear they will have to learn generosity during the course of the story. Therefore there is no reason to write that he or she must learn.
The whole interaction between the bounty hunter and renegade is complicating the story – it’s a subplot that’s been given an ‘A’ plot status. The main conflict in the story will come from the clash between the MC (bounty hunter) and the bad guys/gals, so the sooner you can describe why and how the bounty hunter has to fight them the better.
I’m seeing many similarities between this and the second Mad Max film. The big difference is that in Mad Max the MC is hired by a group of ‘good’ people to fight a bunch of bad guys/gals and deliver them to a utopia in a post-apocalypse world. At the same time, the MC is selfish and will only do it for some form of pay but by the end of it he cares about the good people and helps them regardless.
I wonder if you could do something similar in your story?
What if the MC is hired to deliver a sick child (pardon the cliche…) or [fill the gap – important person that can save the rest of humanity somehow] and by the end of the story he or she figures out that they won’t get paid but decide to finish the job anyhow for the greater good.
For example:
In a post-apocalypse wasteland, a selfish bounty hunter is hired to deliver the engineer of the world’s first cold fusion generator to a utopian oasis, and he must fight gangs of outlaws on their way to save humanity.
Not necessarily your story but it’s an example.
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