Your rewrites are heading in the right direction but you need to focus the logline on the ‘outer journey’ and only indicate the ‘inner’ one by describing his or her flaw – if you describe the MC as ‘selfish’ or ‘greedy’ it is clear they will have to learn generosity during the course of the story. Therefore there is no reason to write that he or she must learn.

The whole interaction between the bounty hunter and renegade is complicating the story – it’s a subplot that’s been given an ‘A’ plot status. The main conflict in the story will come from the clash between the MC (bounty hunter) and the bad guys/gals, so the sooner you can describe why and how the bounty hunter has to fight them the better.

I’m seeing many similarities between this and the second Mad Max film. The big difference is that in Mad Max the MC is hired by a group of ‘good’ people to fight a bunch of bad guys/gals and deliver them to a utopia in a post-apocalypse world. At the same time, the MC is selfish and will only do it for some form of pay but by the end of it he cares about the good people and helps them regardless.

I wonder if you could do something similar in your story?

What if the MC is hired to deliver a sick child (pardon the cliche…) or [fill the gap – important person that can save the rest of humanity somehow] and by the end of the story he or she figures out that they won’t get paid but decide to finish the job anyhow for the greater good.

For example:
In a post-apocalypse wasteland, a selfish bounty hunter is hired to deliver the engineer of the world’s first cold fusion generator to a utopian oasis, and he must fight gangs of outlaws on their way to save humanity.

Not necessarily your story but it’s an example.