1. Posted: December 14, 2017In:

    When a new drug augmenting reality hits the market, a young lawyer stifled by his career takes the drug and stumbles upon a door to a different plane of existence, where he encounters a young woman who will stop at nothing to defend her village against the specter of a demon.

    variable Uberwriter

    I agree with dPG here in... "His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home" although that should only be his initial take on the situation then later on-as the story develops into more urgency-the plot must become personal to him, (that is) he muRead more

    I agree with dPG here in…
    “His personal stake in the action may be that joining the fight is his only way of getting back home”
    although that should only be his initial take on the situation
    then later on-as the story develops into more urgency-the plot must become personal to him, (that is) he must help the girl because he hasaid now fallen for her inspired by her leadership
    all the while the girl thinks he is helping her for the selfish reasons of returning back
    But he proves his love for her by (then) not returning when the opportunity presents itself
    (The portal opens up or something)
    the entire buildup of “how important it is for him to return” can be used entirely in proving his love “when he decides not to go”
    THAT! finally convinced the girl.

    Also Richiev’s take is cool..

    maybe her family was abducted too..
    ..so that you can give her a tragic history providing her with enough vengeance to act as the village leader

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  2. Posted: December 26, 2017In:

    A pugnacious princess from a dimension of ghouls gets banished to Earth for her constant mayhem to live with a cowardly nerd she protects.

    dpg Singularity

    Good observations by the others.? And Richiev's suggested logline points to what I think is a principal problem, the lack of a plot with a character arc.? In the original logline, she's cast down to earth and then what follows seems to be episodic:? Protect the nerd.? Reboot in the next episode.? PrRead more

    Good observations by the others.? And Richiev’s suggested logline points to what I think is a principal problem, the lack of a plot with a character arc.? In the original logline, she’s cast down to earth and then what follows seems to be episodic:? Protect the nerd.? Reboot in the next episode.? Protect the nerd again. Reboot, protect the nerd again.? It seems like she’s trapped in an endless “Groundhog Day” loop the difference being to no ultimate, overarching thematic purpose.

    Well, isn’t that the way “The Simpsons” series works?? Nobody learns anything that sticks from one episode to the next and that hasn’t deterred it from being the most popular and long running animation series in TV history.? But “The Simpsons” is a comedy series–that’s standard issue for the genre? — and it’s hook is that it is also social satire.

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  3. Posted: December 24, 2017In:

    A Rescue Story

    Best Answer
    CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter

    There is an opportunity for a ?but?. At the end think of adding a complication from your story. ... but soon discovers he needs the help of others to succeed. Probably not your story. But you get the point.

    There is an opportunity for a ?but?.

    At the end think of adding a complication from your story.

    … but soon discovers he needs the help of others to succeed.

    Probably not your story. But you get the point.

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