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  1. Posted: November 2, 2017In: Fantasy

    When an exiled prince unexpectedly becomes ruler in a foreign kingdom, he must make dangerous alliances if he is to survive the vampire Emperor who murdered his parents.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on November 8, 2017 at 8:15 am

    >>>?the hook is the vampire as a rulerThat could be a problem.? It takes a great villain to make a great hero, yes But the protagonist must possses some defining characteristic that makes him a character who accrues sufficient emotional investment on the part of the viewing audience.? WhoseRead more

    >>>?the hook is the vampire as a ruler

    That could be a problem.? It takes a great villain to make a great hero, yes But the protagonist must possses some defining characteristic that makes him a character who accrues sufficient emotional investment on the part of the viewing audience.? Whose struggle will engage their interest such that they will root for him and stay tuned in week after week to see what happens next.

    And a protagonist has to be proactive, at least as proactive as the antagonist.? And I’m not sure he is.? Taking the logline at face value, he doesn’t intentionally win the throne in another kingdom.? Rather, it’s given to him “unexpectedly” after he flees into exile.? He’s one lucky guy but is it luck he’s earned the hard way or luck that’s been give to him by others?

    And since this is a fantasy what particular magic does he have — or has the need to develop and use wisely — to counter the magical power of the vampire?

    Finally, have you considered making the story with a female protagonist?

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  2. Posted: October 24, 2017In: Fantasy

    Novel: In a supernatural world where superpowers are common, a likeable teenager discovers he possesses a power known to be cursed. Cast out by society, he will go on a journey to learn the origin of his power and prove to himself and the society he can be better than the curse.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 29, 2017 at 9:29 am

    I think the logline should ID the power and specify the journey.? ?At a time when there is a glut of movies with heroes possessing superpowers, what makes his stand out from all the rest?? (Also, it's not exactly a unique story twist that his power is both a boon and a curse. That's SOP for extraordRead more

    I think the logline should ID the power and specify the journey.? ?At a time when there is a glut of movies with heroes possessing superpowers, what makes his stand out from all the rest?? (Also, it’s not exactly a unique story twist that his power is both a boon and a curse. That’s SOP for extraordinary powers, as far back as Greek mythology, as recent as the Force in “Star Wars”.? ?So, again, what is unique about his challenge?)

    And what is his particular journey? That, too, is SOP in myth and movies about super-sized characters.? ?What differentiates his journey from all the other hero’s journeys?

    And finally, what are the stakes?? If he fails to overcome the negative aspect of his power — well, tough luck kid, you can’t win ’em all.? But folks, not to worry!? There are legions of other super empowered people on standby to handle any crisis that arises.

    Which is to say, that it’s also SOP in the hero paradigm that whatever special power the hero has, it’s? one bestowed for the benefit of his team/tribe/society.? It’s one his world needs — desperately.? For sure enough, a crisis arises that threatens the existence of that society.? if he fails to master his gift in time his team/tribe/society is doomed.?

    BTW: this is all explained in Joseph Campbell’s “The Hero with a 1,000 Faces”.? Which was the inspiration for how George Lucas crafted the original Star Wars movie. (Luke must master the Force to destroy the Death Star before it destroys the team/tribe he? with whom he has cast his lot, the Rebel Alliance.)? Suggested reading for anyone writing about superheroes.

    fwiw

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  3. Posted: October 7, 2017In: Fantasy

    (Short) A down on his luck and jaded 20 something who robs a bank on Christmas eve meets a little girl who is convinced that an Old Man in the bank is Santa Claus.

    [Deleted User]
    Added an answer on October 12, 2017 at 8:33 am

    I think this is great as a first draft. And with a little bit of work you'll be able to make this into a nice Christmas short story. Your characters have to be connected. Even though Christmas stories can be far-fetched, your characters' motivations can't be; Because most people understand credibleRead more

    I think this is great as a first draft. And with a little bit of work you’ll be able to make this into a nice Christmas short story. Your characters have to be connected. Even though Christmas stories can be far-fetched, your characters’ motivations can’t be; Because most people understand credible motivations. In film-making, probable impossibilities are better than improbable possibilities.

    An improbable possibility?would be for the girl, who thinks the old man is?the real santa, to be a meaningful enough obstacle or reason?for the 20-something to stop robbing a?bank.

    A probable impossibility?could be that the old man truly is Santa and the 20-something made the wrong choice by?using the little girl as a getaway hostage.

    Hope that helps.

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