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Centuries ago, the first generation of the Givean defeated the Darck Order and sealed them away. Many years later, the newest generation of the Givean must pick up where their predecessor left off.
Cool idea, and I think adding more information would make it even better! Maybe shortening the first part like “Centuries after [this person / these people] sealed away the Darck Order [In this specific way], [the important characters] of the Givean must continue. And adding the new way in which theRead more
Cool idea, and I think adding more information would make it even better! Maybe shortening the first part like “Centuries after [this person / these people] sealed away the Darck Order [In this specific way], [the important characters] of the Givean must continue. And adding the new way in which the Darck order puts up a fight!
See lessWhen a vicious king threatens the peace between the Gifted and Commoners in Athenia, a red headed thief, participates in an illegal ritual where she discovers, she is the last Moonkeeper. To stop the evil in the kingdom, she must take help by an angry warrior, a gold hearted prince and the next king in line with horrific powers, before the world as she knows it, disappears.
It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options - 1) start with - When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must... - or - When a thief discovers she is the last MoonkeRead more
It appears as if you have two inciting incidents; 1) A vicious king threatening peace, 2) she discovers she is the last Moonkeeper. So, I believe you have two options – 1) start with – When a vicious king threatens war, the last Moonkeeper must… – or – When a thief discovers she is the last Moonkeeper, she must stop a war by…
Also, you have a included a physical description (Redhair), which may have some significance in the story, but for us readers of the logline we have no idea what relevance it has so it is redundant. For loglines, it is recommended to stick with character descriptions i.e. hotheaded, adventurous, dutiful
See lessA geeky young woman discovers a book of fairytales that are set in a carnival in her town.
This is the setup and the inciting incident. What happens next?
This is the setup and the inciting incident. What happens next?
See less