1. Posted: August 30, 2022In:

    When his sister disappears in a magic-reliant space colony, a new wizard must break free to find her; but when he discovers they are not in space he must learn to not blindly follow, become a leader, and rally the people to take out the president before others are killed.

    BenGilani Logliner

    Hi MitchW, I think you are providing some unnecessary information in your logline. Stick to the core story. Below you can see what I understood you were trying to say while reading your logline. A ......(who? describe your lead character)....... who is searching for his missing sister in ..........(Read more

    Hi MitchW,
    I think you are providing some unnecessary information in your logline. Stick to the core story. Below you can see what I understood you were trying to say while reading your logline.

    A ……(who? describe your lead character)……. who is searching for his missing sister in ……….(Where? Describe the ambiance/location/place)……, discovers that innocent people are being killed by authorities for no good reason and decides to end the killings/slaughter/crimes/etc.

    I hope this helps

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  2. Posted: August 5, 2022In:

    After getting a stuffed yak as a birthday present, a young Tibetan girl discovers that it turns into a real one.

    Philippe Le Miere Logliner

    Fantasy or Comedy? ... Made me laugh! :) "a young Tibetan girl" = protagonist "stuffed yak transforms into a real one" = inciting incident What might be the main character's goal? If we unpack Pinocchio, here we have a toy, transforming into a real one, but it is the story of the toy's misadventuresRead more

    Fantasy or Comedy? … Made me laugh! 🙂

    “a young Tibetan girl” = protagonist

    “stuffed yak transforms into a real one” = inciting incident

    What might be the main character’s goal?

    If we unpack Pinocchio, here we have a toy, transforming into a real one, but it is the story of the toy’s misadventures. Or then there’s ‘Pygmalion and Galatea’, a love story, where a sculpture transforms into a real, beautiful woman.

    While ‘Tibetan’ has cultural stereotypes, such as the practice of Buddhism, another suggestion might be to additionally reflect on the psychology of the girl. A single adjective, such as shy, courage, or intelligent, could give a clue as to how she might react to the unfolding adventures before her.

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  3. Posted: July 12, 2022In:

    When the king ends up on his death bed, a young prince must prevent a revolution by stopping the chancellor from gaining control of the throne.

    BenGilani Logliner

    Hi Harris, How about this? With the king on his death bed, a young prince must prevent a chancellor from initiating a revolution that is aimed to surrender the kingdom to him. I hope this helps.

    Hi Harris,
    How about this?

    With the king on his death bed, a young prince must prevent a chancellor from initiating a revolution that is aimed to surrender the kingdom to him.

    I hope this helps.

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