1. Posted: October 23, 2016In:

    She has a bright future, but when her boyfriend gets caught up in an experiment with murderous implications, she must find him, survive his brainwashed mind, and do whatever it takes to bring him home.

    S.C.Will Logliner

    Thank you for your comments. Here is my new version: When her boyfriend is forced to participate in an experiment that trains him to kill, a perfect student must abandon school to find him and save him before he kills her, himself, or them both.

    Thank you for your comments. Here is my new version:

    When her boyfriend is forced to participate in an experiment that trains him to kill, a perfect student must abandon school to find him and save him before he kills her, himself, or them both.

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  2. Posted: October 23, 2016In:

    When a zombie virus infects a small Southern town, a pregnant teen must fight the undead while hiding her condition from her conservative family.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    Considering the many Zombie movies already on offer, what will stand out is a twist on the tropes of the genre. In this case, you have a pregnant teenager as the undead fighting extraordinaire MC. Pregnancy could be a "hook", as the handicap of carrying a big belly could prove interesting, not forgeRead more

    Considering the many Zombie movies already on offer, what will stand out is a twist on the tropes of the genre. In this case, you have a pregnant teenager as the undead fighting extraordinaire MC. Pregnancy could be a “hook”, as the handicap of carrying a big belly could prove interesting, not forgetting that she must protect her unborn child. However, I’m not sure this is enough to get the concept over the much needed “hook” edge. The concept may need something in addition, for it to stand out in such a crowded marketplace.

    As the genre is so well known already, you can drop the first clause altogether, and simply replace it with; After a Zombie outbreak…

    Otherwise agreed with the other comments, hiding her pregnancy doesn’t compare with staying alive in terms of stakes.

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  3. Posted: October 7, 2016In:

    After his son is mutilated by a legendary creature, a father must stop future deaths from happening only to learn that he has become the supernatural animan’s next target.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    This concept seems like many others in its genre, nothing really seems to hook a reader's attention in the logline. You're clearly aiming at writing a horror movie - great! This genre has been and will continue to be, a staple.? As such,? there are many tropes you can rely on to establish the particRead more

    This concept seems like many others in its genre, nothing really seems to hook a reader’s attention in the logline.

    You’re clearly aiming at writing a horror movie – great! This genre has been and will continue to be, a staple.? As such,? there are many tropes you can rely on to establish the particular type of horror – it looks like you’ve chosen super natural monster. It may be a good idea to look into as many supernatural horror movies as possible from the last 5 years, try and identify what was common amongst the successful ones. Then try and adjust your concept to include a hook that would draw more interest.

    This may not seem like very helpful advise, but when dealing with heavy genre concepts you must have a hook of some sort like; Cabin In the Woods, or an outstandingly original concept like; The Blair Witch Project (the original film). I don’t believe you have either yet…

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