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When a journalist discovers a cult crucifying men in the desert, he believes he has the story of a lifetime if he can live to tell it..
>>?When a journalist discovers a cult crucifying men in the desert, he?? >>?must ?do this? in order to ?stop that? or else ?this bad thing will happenRichiev's post raises an important issue. ?Is this version of the logline more of a movie blurb than an a logline? Does it tease more thanRead more
>>?When a journalist discovers a cult crucifying men in the desert, he??
>>?must ?do this? in order to ?stop that? or else ?this bad thing will happen
Richiev’s post raises an important issue. ?Is this version of the logline more of a movie blurb than an a logline? Does it tease more than inform?
Well, first of all the logline is classified as a horror flick. ?So we know to expect a story where bad, macabre things happen. ?And the logline clearly tells what the bad, macabre is happening.
There’s also definite inciting incident — the journalist discovers the cult and its ritual.
So what’s the “must do ” ?– his objective goal that arises from the inciting incident? ?Well, the ethical “must do” ?would be to notify authorities so they can stop the practice. ?That’s should be his highest priority, the correct objective goal.
But instead, the logline implies that he puts as his highest priority getting the ?story so he can collect the fame and money. ?He places his own selfish interests first. ? IOW: ?he chooses the wrong objective goal — and consequently “the bad thing will happen” — he may pay for it with his life. ?At least, that’s how I read it.
For me all the do’s and don’t’s for writing a conventional logline are guidelines, not ironclad rules. ?Heck, I don’t even treat them as rules. ?I treat them as tools. ?When they work — and most of the time they do work, they fit the story– use them. ?When they don’t, tinker, try a different tool.
The “rules”, the tools are means to and end; they exist to serve one objective goal: ?to help a writer to compose a logline make producers and directors want to read the script. ?
My 2.5 cents worth.
So even if this version of the logline doesn’t rigorously conform to the standard model, I think it achieves it’s ?objective goal.
However, I would suggest one more tweak: ?a character flaw to indicate his motivation for choosing the wrong objective goal. ?The journalist is ambitious — too ambitious. ?He’ll do anything to get the story. ?So:
When a ruthlessly ambitious journalist discovers a female cult that crucifies men, he has the story of a lifetime ? if he?can live to tell it.
(27 words)
fwiw
See less300 years ago, the Penitente rose from the ashes of the Pueblo Revolts. Today Diana believes her family’s dark past has caught up to her when the body of a crucified man is found in the desert.
Hard to add any useful notes to the comments above. I would say that for me the logline is confusing and vague in its descriptions, I needed to read it twice to get an idea of the characters and their actions.
Hard to add any useful notes to the comments above.
See lessI would say that for me the logline is confusing and vague in its descriptions, I needed to read it twice to get an idea of the characters and their actions.
Failed documentarian roams the New Mexico mountain hunting a story until he stumbles onto a cult of women crucifying drug dealers to purge sin. He believes he’s found the story of a lifetime if he can live to tell it. Breaking Bad meets The Lottery.
It seems to me his initial?objective goal?should be?to find and document the cult -- he shouldn't just discover the women accidently. It doesn't make sense that he would be roaming a desolate, rugged?landscape hoping to stumble upon a story, any story.Rather he's been lured into the wilderness by ruRead more
It seems to me his initial?objective goal?should be?to find and document the cult — he shouldn’t just discover the women accidently. It doesn’t make sense that he would be roaming a desolate, rugged?landscape hoping to stumble upon a story, any story.
Rather he’s been lured into the wilderness by rumors of?the cult, and he thinks it would make a “killer”? subject for a documentary, one that will bring him critical acclaim and financial reward.
Well, it turns out to be a” killer”?subject — but not in the way he had expected.
fwiw
See less