1. Posted: November 9, 2015In:

    When a young girl wakes up in the forest, struggling to remember what brought her there and made her pass out, a friend appears to help her get back home.

    bamgomes Logliner

    When I read the logline I immediately figured out that her friend was behind of what happened to her. dpg guessed it to. So if that's your twist then it's not a very good one. I also don't think the drug will be a big surprise either. That said I think you should go with the second logline that youRead more

    When I read the logline I immediately figured out that her friend was behind of what happened to her. dpg guessed it to. So if that’s your twist then it’s not a very good one.

    I also don’t think the drug will be a big surprise either.

    That said I think you should go with the second logline that you posted. But I would explain better what the friend does to the young woman. It’s a horror movie so does he torture her? What horrible things does he do to her?

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  2. Posted: November 2, 2015In:

    An adventurous wheelchair-bound woman drags her hyper-cautious cousin and friends into the outback to test off-road wheelchairs, but they encounter killer kangaroos with a taste for human flesh.

    Frugal Writer Penpusher

    I like the killer kangaroo twist. This is in essence a 'Monster In the House' film (per Blake Snyder's genres). You nailed two of the three essential ingredients: a house and a supernatural monster. Your house is the outback and the supernatural monster is of course your kangaroos. What is missing iRead more

    I like the killer kangaroo twist.

    This is in essence a ‘Monster In the House’ film (per Blake Snyder’s genres). You nailed two of the three essential ingredients: a house and a supernatural monster. Your house is the outback and the supernatural monster is of course your kangaroos. What is missing is a sin. Something like greed in JAWS when the town officials plan to keep the beaches open during the profitable tourist season and their retribution is the killer shark.

    My suggestion is to introduce a sin. Maybe the buddies who go to the outback are rowdy beer guzzlers, and they are developing the off-road wheelchair to go out and tear up the environment on drunken binges. Or maybe some form of corporate greed.

    The idea is that the Kangaroos provide a form of comeuppance for the sins of the group. Nothing to heavy-handed, just an extra thread to round out the story.

    Good job.

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  3. Posted: October 29, 2015In:

    An archeologist’s family struggles to stay alive, after a failed expedition in the remote jungles of the Amazon awakens a supposed extinct, cannibalistic humanoid that terrorizes and hunts them, one by one.

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    An inciting incident would give the story a starting point and add legitimacy to the creature's vengeful tendencies.E.g: After disrupting the tomb of an ancient beast an archaeologist must fight a cannibalistic humanoid to get his family safely out of the Amazon.Hope this helps.

    An inciting incident would give the story a starting point and add legitimacy to the creature’s vengeful tendencies.

    E.g:
    After disrupting the tomb of an ancient beast an archaeologist must fight a cannibalistic humanoid to get his family safely out of the Amazon.

    Hope this helps.

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