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After being built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must race against time to kill vampires who tries to invade her town so that she can be human again.
INTENTION: must kill vampires so she can be human again?? OBSTACLE: vampires invading town/race against time. After she is built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must kill the vampires invading her town? (because if she doesn?t? she won?t be human again??) My notes: I?d get rid of ?triRead more
INTENTION: must kill vampires so she can be human again??
OBSTACLE: vampires invading town/race against time.
After she is built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must kill the vampires invading her town? (because if she doesn?t? she won?t be human again??)
My notes:
I?d get rid of ?tries to?.?
I like the time limit/ticking clock. Great element for a concept – but not very clear why she?s racing against time so she can be human again.?
Intention and obstacle are there – fine.?
There?s an inciting incident – not sure if it?s the right one though.
Everything is here – it?s just not clear why.
Why is she racing against time?
Why does defeating vampires make her human again?
How necessary is the ?being built into a cyborg by a fellow vampire?. Isn?t the inciting incident – ?vampires take the town?.
How about?
When vampires invade her hometown, a cyborg-vampire must defeat them before sunrise, in order to become human again.?
That last part – again, not sure how how? why? How does a cyborg-vampire become human again? Perhaps she has to retrieve a talisman or something?
I dunno – perhaps it?s fine as it is.?
Hope this helps in some way.
Good luck!
See lessChris and his team plan to renovate a community of vacant row houses. After forcing a squatter out of one of the homes, they soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.
A logline's primary function is to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events connected via cause and effect. In this logline, there seems to be a disconnect between what's happening and what the characters do. Describe the first event that forces the MC to have to pursue a goal and then descriRead more
A logline’s primary function is to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events connected via cause and effect. In this logline, there seems to be a disconnect between what’s happening and what the characters do. Describe the first event that forces the MC to have to pursue a goal and then describe the goal. In what way did they discover the dark history? What specifically happened? What is this history, and why does it motivate the MC? Lastly, as a result, what must the MC achieve?
See lessA young team of investors are renovating some rundown rowhouses, and soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.
Sounds interesting but please check out this logline write-up by Richiev via (Home page > click Votes) to help remedy all the questions this has generated. On Loglines: There are certain answers to logline problems that many of us seem to repeat as we give advice. After reading ? rewrite and postRead more
Sounds interesting but please check out this logline write-up by Richiev via (Home page > click Votes) to help remedy all the questions this has generated.
On Loglines: There are certain answers to logline problems that many of us seem to repeat as we give advice.
After reading ? rewrite and post. We get this will not be your final logline version, the goal is to present your logline in a way the community can help.
No, I am not sponsored by Richiev ? ? it?s just good stuff.
See less