1. Posted: April 9, 2020In:

    With the help of his undead lost love, a reluctant store manager must return to the island where she was slain to prevent the escape of a primitive evil before the anniversary of her death.

    Best Answer
    Jonathon Nicholas Penpusher

    Hi Odie,   i actually love this premise. its a refreshing and interesting take on the classic horror movie.   for me, these would be my questions to ask:   Why does he love her? What is unique about their relationship? Why is he reluctant? what is it that is making him doubt his decisRead more

    Hi Odie,

     

    i actually love this premise. its a refreshing and interesting take on the classic horror movie.

     

    for me, these would be my questions to ask:

     

    • Why does he love her? What is unique about their relationship?
    • Why is he reluctant? what is it that is making him doubt his decision to go back? that seems like something you could flesh out?
    • Can you make the primitive email somehow connected to their relationships, so what i mean is, its something connected to their past, which is why they’re being haunted?

     

    Overall, i actually really liked it, and would watch that movie.

     

    cheers.

    Jonathon

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  2. Posted: May 4, 2020In:

    After being built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must race against time to kill vampires who tries to invade her town so that she can be human again.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    INTENTION: must kill vampires so she can be human again?? OBSTACLE: vampires invading town/race against time. After she is built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must kill the vampires invading her town? (because if she doesn?t? she won?t be human again??) My notes: I?d get rid of ?triRead more

    INTENTION: must kill vampires so she can be human again??

    OBSTACLE: vampires invading town/race against time.

    After she is built as a cyborg by a fellow vampire, a young woman must kill the vampires invading her town? (because if she doesn?t? she won?t be human again??)

    My notes:

    I?d get rid of ?tries to?.?

    I like the time limit/ticking clock. Great element for a concept – but not very clear why she?s racing against time so she can be human again.?

    Intention and obstacle are there – fine.?

    There?s an inciting incident – not sure if it?s the right one though.

    Everything is here – it?s just not clear why.

    Why is she racing against time?

    Why does defeating vampires make her human again?

    How necessary is the ?being built into a cyborg by a fellow vampire?. Isn?t the inciting incident – ?vampires take the town?.

    How about?

    When vampires invade her hometown, a cyborg-vampire must defeat them before sunrise, in order to become human again.?

    That last part – again, not sure how how? why? How does a cyborg-vampire become human again? Perhaps she has to retrieve a talisman or something?

    I dunno – perhaps it?s fine as it is.?

    Hope this helps in some way.

    Good luck!

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  3. Posted: April 23, 2020In:

    Chris and his team plan to renovate a community of vacant row houses. After forcing a squatter out of one of the homes, they soon realize the neighborhood has a very dark history.

    Best Answer
    Neer Shelter Singularity

    A logline's primary function is to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events connected via cause and effect. In this logline, there seems to be a disconnect between what's happening and what the characters do. Describe the first event that forces the MC to have to pursue a goal and then descriRead more

    A logline’s primary function is to describe a plot. A plot is a sequence of events connected via cause and effect. In this logline, there seems to be a disconnect between what’s happening and what the characters do. Describe the first event that forces the MC to have to pursue a goal and then describe the goal. In what way did they discover the dark history? What specifically happened? What is this history, and why does it motivate the MC? Lastly, as a result, what must the MC achieve?

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