1. Posted: December 6, 2019In:

    When wanted bank robbers and their hostages, are taken captive and chained together in a lonely cop’s basement, they learn he’s secretly a serial killer, and must work together to escape before becoming his next victim.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    Sorry, but I have to agree with dpg on this one. I think there's something interesting in the "cop who's a serial killer" idea but this story is in desperate need of a single protagonist. You mention something character driven but you have the group working collectively as the hero - considering thiRead more

    Sorry, but I have to agree with dpg on this one. I think there’s something interesting in the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea but this story is in desperate need of a single protagonist. You mention something character driven but you have the group working collectively as the hero – considering this group contains criminals and their hostages I’d imagine some conflict here that would require one person to unite them – I want to know what his/her story is.

    Ultimately though, you need to figure out how to make it believable first. It could be that it totally works but it’s just not coming through in the logline. I’m not sure if it’s the story that is unbelievable or simply the logline doesn’t quite have the details needed.

    How does this cop get all these people in the basement?

    Maybe explore the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea in a different way?

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  2. Posted: December 4, 2019In:

    After inheriting their grandmothers precious doll collection, two bickering sisters visit the estate, but find themselves trapped and tormented by dolls manipulated by a demonic entity and must escape .

    Neer Shelter Singularity

    The logline positions the inheritance as the inciting event, but it's really the first instance of a possessed doll attacking them. Also, the goal of escaping leaves the demons in question at large. Perhaps they need to rid the house of the demon for good to save their own lives. My try: After a posRead more

    The logline positions the inheritance as the inciting event, but it’s really the first instance of a possessed doll attacking them. Also, the goal of escaping leaves the demons in question at large. Perhaps they need to rid the house of the demon for good to save their own lives.

    My try:
    After a possessed doll collection attacks them in their dead grandmother’s house, two bickering sisters must banish the demons to save themselves.

    Though I would typically recommend a single protagonist plot, in this instance, I think the character dynamic of bickering sisters works.

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  3. Posted: November 25, 2019In:

    When the new couple in town, both ex-cons, are suspected of murdering a cop’s daughter, they set out to entrap who they believe is the real perpetrator – before the town’s mass hysteria turns violent.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    ?Also this adds to the other question, why not just leave? They are new to this town to start anew before shit hits the fan, so why stay here? It might work better if it was their hometown. They're constantly moving - their reputation follows them everywhere. The husband wants to leave. The wife doeRead more

    ?Also this adds to the other question, why not just leave? They are new to this town to start anew before shit hits the fan, so why stay here? It might work better if it was their hometown.

    They’re constantly moving – their reputation follows them everywhere. The husband wants to leave. The wife doesn’t want to run anymore. She wants to stick.

    But yeah – in a logline, I’m not sure if I can quite sell that.

    Thanks for your ideas.

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