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Mary believes that she is having a cryptic pregnancy, but her doctor and her boyfriend don?t believe her. After she gives birth at home her child is taken from her by mysterious government organization, Mary has to fight her own self doubt to recover her child and prove her sanity.
Kind of like a horror retelling of the Jesus birth story... in concept, it sounds good, but in its current form the logline isn't working. It's too wordy and most readers won't get past the logic flaws.? Also, best to define one goal, and in this case, her sanity pales in comparison to finding her bRead more
Kind of like a horror retelling of the Jesus birth story… in concept, it sounds good, but in its current form the logline isn’t working.
It’s too wordy and most readers won’t get past the logic flaws.? Also, best to define one goal, and in this case, her sanity pales in comparison to finding her baby.
See lessWhen a demonic book is brought into a college couple home, the couple must find the source of there internal struggles before they become its next victim.
I like the premise and can see some of the scenes already, but trying to steer away from Star Trek references: "An academic couple's dark secrets attract the even darker energy of an ancient book lurking in the college library, and the unwitting pair must resolve their past before the book swallowsRead more
I like the premise and can see some of the scenes already, but trying to steer away from Star Trek references:
“An academic couple’s dark secrets attract the even darker energy of an ancient book lurking in the college library, and the unwitting pair must resolve their past before the book swallows their very existence.”
I refer to “Day of the Dove” (1968), a classic Star Trek episode that strikes many chords.
See lessWhen wanted bank robbers and their hostages, are taken captive and chained together in a lonely cop’s basement, they learn he’s secretly a serial killer, and must work together to escape before becoming his next victim.
Sorry, but I have to agree with dpg on this one. I think there's something interesting in the "cop who's a serial killer" idea but this story is in desperate need of a single protagonist. You mention something character driven but you have the group working collectively as the hero - considering thiRead more
Sorry, but I have to agree with dpg on this one. I think there’s something interesting in the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea but this story is in desperate need of a single protagonist. You mention something character driven but you have the group working collectively as the hero – considering this group contains criminals and their hostages I’d imagine some conflict here that would require one person to unite them – I want to know what his/her story is.
Ultimately though, you need to figure out how to make it believable first. It could be that it totally works but it’s just not coming through in the logline. I’m not sure if it’s the story that is unbelievable or simply the logline doesn’t quite have the details needed.
How does this cop get all these people in the basement?
Maybe explore the “cop who’s a serial killer” idea in a different way?
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