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When a sample of R Virus accidentally falls into a scientist in Canada, he dies and is reanimated with a peculiar behavior, then a group of people who survive the chaos look for a chance to recover humanity in the laboratory that started it all.
Your story has a lot of potential, the idea seems interesting to me if you know how to develop it in a good way, the format of a zombie apocalypse series has already been used but I hope you can give it a unique touch that differentiates it from the rest. P.S. "The Walking Dead"
Your story has a lot of potential, the idea seems interesting to me if you know how to develop it in a good way, the format of a zombie apocalypse series has already been used but I hope you can give it a unique touch that differentiates it from the rest.
P.S. “The Walking Dead”
See lessA hospice nurse struggles with reality when an elderly, comatose patient begins terrorizing her dreams–and then drags the nightmare into her waking life.
Great synopsis. I added "newly hired" to answer "why now?" Also, to stand out, consider "night terrors" instead of nightmares; they're rare among adults but may be a good fit for this premise. A newly hired hospice nurse begins to question her sanity when nightmares of an elderly comatose patient beRead more
Great synopsis.
I added “newly hired” to answer “why now?” Also, to stand out, consider “night terrors” instead of nightmares; they’re rare among adults but may be a good fit for this premise.
A newly hired hospice nurse begins to question her sanity when nightmares of an elderly comatose patient become a reality.
Make this yours, take care.
See lessIn this crisp horror comedy set in India, Rajeev, a hearing-impaired Indian boy, stumbles upon a supernatural hearing aid that lets him eavesdrop on anyone, including spirits. With the help of Ayesha, a ghostly singer, they navigate a world of madness, confusion, spooky elements, and comedy, while evading a Pakistani spy determined to snatch the hearing aid.
Hi Tosbro, Right off the bat, a face value analysis of your pitch will quickly find prevalence of unconventional logline qualities that need to be identified before they are subsequently addressed. Firstly, the inclusion of character names are, for the most part, a red flag when it comes to loglinesRead more
Hi Tosbro,
Right off the bat, a face value analysis of your pitch will quickly find prevalence of unconventional logline qualities that need to be identified before they are subsequently addressed.
Firstly, the inclusion of character names are, for the most part, a red flag when it comes to loglines; secondly, stating the genre of the story within the logline itself (in this case “comedy” is mentioned twice) is an even bigger red flag, and; lastly, the overall length and flow of the of the logline is, in my opinion, simply too long in word count.
With this in mind we can try to make some adjustments to your logline in attempt to improve its effectiveness:
Revision 1: “When a hearing-impaired Indian boy, stumbles upon a supernatural hearing aid that lets him eavesdrop on anyone – or anything – he befriends a ghostly singer so that he can better navigate this new world of maddening noise and confusion all whilst evading a Pakistani spy determined to snatch the hearing aid.”
Despite whittling seven words off of the original logline, we are still well over the word budget. The next thing that I believe needs fixing is making the antagonist, “the Pakistani spy”, feel a bit more connected to the story. As of now he feels a bit tacked on to the story as a whole.
Revision 2: “When a hearing-impaired Indian boy stumbles upon an otherworldly hearing device, he befriends the “angelic” voice of a dead tone-deaf singer so the both of them can better navigate this new world of maddening noise despite the increase dangerous hallucinations.”
I will be honest, I couldn’t find any way to fix the antagonist issue, however I instead focused on trying to best allude to the horror-comedy nature of your original idea by means of pairing the (formerly) hearing-impaired protagonist with a tone-deaf angel. I will note that my edit of this logline remains a little bit too long, but if I alter it anymore I feel as though I will deviate too far from your original pitch.
Thank you for reading, and please make of this review what you will.
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