1. Posted: November 22, 2019In:

    Suspected of murdering a cop’s daughter, the new couple in town, both ex-cons, believe their reputable neighbour is the real perpetrator – and set out to entrap him, before the town’s mass hysteria reaches boiling point.

    thedarkhorse Samurai

    To make it leaner I could technically cut... "before the town's mass hysteria reaches boiling point".  

    To make it leaner I could technically cut…

    “before the town’s mass hysteria reaches boiling point”.

     

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  2. Posted: November 15, 2019In:

    Suspecting their cop neighbour of killing and eating children, a couple, new in town, set out to prove it – during his New Year’s Eve party.

    Richiev Singularity

    What sets the story in motion? You say they suspect their neighbor of killing and eating children, but there must be an event that causes that belief. Unless it would take up too much word space adding the specific inciting incident to the logline will help clarify the story.

    What sets the story in motion?

    You say they suspect their neighbor of killing and eating children, but there must be an event that causes that belief.

    Unless it would take up too much word space adding the specific inciting incident to the logline will help clarify the story.

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  3. Posted: November 15, 2019In:

    Waking up in a mansion filled with vampires, two detectives must work their way through four floors to save a missing girl ? and get out alive.

    Richiev Singularity

    I think this tells it all. I understand the story and the goal of the two leads and the monster in the house scenario. If you make any changes to this logline, make sure they are small  

    I think this tells it all. I understand the story and the goal of the two leads and the monster in the house scenario.

    If you make any changes to this logline, make sure they are small

     

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