1. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    Two bitterly-divorced CDC epidemiologists are called to investigate a disease outbreak at a mountain resort and uncover a government conspiracy that they must stop in order to survive.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    I think I'm fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word "survive" to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning sometRead more

    I think I’m fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word “survive” to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning something? that they want to keep under wraps and they want to kill these epidemiologists? (likely by exposing them to the disease… but maybe just shooting them) to silence them?? I’m assuming this government conspiracy is related to the disease, but the way the logline is written, it doesn’t have to be.? (although it probably should be)

    I read your latest revision, in response to Mike’s comment, and actually, that one excites me more.? ?I find generalizing about conspiracies to be boring, actually.? I love the “leading mismatched survivors” concept, and the fact that the scientist isn’t a natural leader.? Uniting is a part of leading though, so I’d just write “must learn to lead”.? ?Sadly, in today’s day and age, I think the phrase “transform its victims into deadly drones” is going to make people think about humans being transformed into those little flying robot drones that are popular today, so maybe I’d switch out that word if you can think of something better… but otherwise, yeah, I’d say you’ve got a winner there.

    See less
    • 0
  2. Posted: October 3, 2019In:

    During a solo expedition through the Australian outback, a lonely female scientist befriends a mysterious traveller via her long-range UHF radio, but things turn sinister when he insists on meeting up in the middle of nowhere.

    dpg Singularity

    Paul Clarke: I agree that a logline should not reveal the Big Payoff, even for a short.? The journey to that Big Payoff should stand on its own; that is, it ought to be interesting, compelling, dramatic in its own right.? A logline should describe the journey to a destination, not the arrival. A texRead more

    Paul Clarke:

    I agree that a logline should not reveal the Big Payoff, even for a short.? The journey to that Big Payoff should stand on its own; that is, it ought to be interesting, compelling, dramatic in its own right.? A logline should describe the journey to a destination, not the arrival.

    A textbook example is “The Sixth Sense”.? The Big Payoff, the Final Reveal is a whopper, one of the most famous in the history of cinema — but the dramatic journey is interesting, compelling in its own right.

    See less
    • 0
  3. Posted: October 4, 2019In:

    Two strangers find themselves in an abandoned town, Penance Peak, and as the sun begins to set, they begin to realise that their dark secrets can?t stay hidden forever.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    It sounds like they're going to turn into werewolves.? If they are, make the town not abandoned, and instead full of werewolf hunters.? Also need a reason why they can't just leave the town, if this town, abandoned or not, is a problem.

    It sounds like they’re going to turn into werewolves.? If they are, make the town not abandoned, and instead full of werewolf hunters.? Also need a reason why they can’t just leave the town, if this town, abandoned or not, is a problem.

    See less
    • 0