1. Posted: October 29, 2019In:

    A journalist who escaped an abusive religious cult plans to sneak back in and get his younger brother out, but his plan goes awry when the cult leader’s prophecies come true and all current members receive supernatural powers.

    dpg Singularity

    I believe that the most important part of a logline is the story hook, the element that grabs attention, arouses curiusity, makes people want to read the script. This logline buries the story hook when it should lead with it.The plot, the really interesting part, begins: "when the prophecies come trRead more

    I believe that the most important part of a logline is the story hook, the element that grabs attention, arouses curiusity, makes people want to read the script. This logline buries the story hook when it should lead with it.

    The plot, the really interesting part, begins: “when the prophecies come true and all current members receive supernatural powers.”

    Unfortunately, the logline doesn’t specify whether the powers are beneficial or harmful. If cult members start healing the sick, raising the dead, what’s the problem? Isn’t that a good thing?

    Well, the logline is tagged as a horror flick so I guess it’s safe to assume the powers aren’t a good thing.? Okay,? in what way? What specific threat do they pose? And what can the journalist, a mere mortal, do about it? What can anyone do about it?

    As a result of this fulfillment of prophecy, what becomes the journalist’s objective goal?

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  2. Posted: October 20, 2019In:

    A farmer believes there are reincarnated humans trapped in the bodies of his goats and together they escape into the forest where the livestock speak for the first time, their agenda sinister, their ambition astronomical.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    This is a good setup.? I think it's attention grabbing and amusing.? But you need a goal here for the farmer.? Now that he's able to communicate with the animals, I guess you want him to stop their evil plans and save the world.? It'd be nice if it was a little more interesting than that, but it's bRead more

    This is a good setup.? I think it’s attention grabbing and amusing.? But you need a goal here for the farmer.? Now that he’s able to communicate with the animals, I guess you want him to stop their evil plans and save the world.? It’d be nice if it was a little more interesting than that, but it’s better than just saying what he discovers the goats are up to.? As of now, I’d definitely want to see the trailer, but I’m not convinced you have a worthwhile story yet.

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  3. Posted: October 11, 2019In:

    Two bitterly-divorced CDC epidemiologists are called to investigate a disease outbreak at a mountain resort and uncover a government conspiracy that they must stop in order to survive.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    I think I'm fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word "survive" to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning sometRead more

    I think I’m fine with the logline, except that I would expect the word “survive” to apply to the disease.? There needs to be more of a reason for them to want to stop the government conspiracy.? Is the conspiracy to spread the disease and kill them and other people?? Is the government planning something? that they want to keep under wraps and they want to kill these epidemiologists? (likely by exposing them to the disease… but maybe just shooting them) to silence them?? I’m assuming this government conspiracy is related to the disease, but the way the logline is written, it doesn’t have to be.? (although it probably should be)

    I read your latest revision, in response to Mike’s comment, and actually, that one excites me more.? ?I find generalizing about conspiracies to be boring, actually.? I love the “leading mismatched survivors” concept, and the fact that the scientist isn’t a natural leader.? Uniting is a part of leading though, so I’d just write “must learn to lead”.? ?Sadly, in today’s day and age, I think the phrase “transform its victims into deadly drones” is going to make people think about humans being transformed into those little flying robot drones that are popular today, so maybe I’d switch out that word if you can think of something better… but otherwise, yeah, I’d say you’ve got a winner there.

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