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An emotionally-detached Forest Ranger rescues a traumatized boy from an abandoned logging site and must fight for survival against prehistoric creatures that were awakened during deforestation.
It is really good. It plants a nice seed in my head and I already see images flourishing. I suggest that the main event is the appearance of the prehistoric creatures: "When a deforestation wakes a pack of prehistoric carnivours, an emotionally-detached Forest Ranger must fight for survival while prRead more
It is really good. It plants a nice seed in my head and I already see images flourishing.
I suggest that the main event is the appearance of the prehistoric creatures:
“When a deforestation wakes a pack of prehistoric carnivours, an emotionally-detached Forest Ranger must fight for survival while protecting a boy he has rescued.”
See lessWhen his older brother’s killer escapes after being institutionalized for 12 years, ISAAC, a bookish High School Senior, must fight for his life in order to escape her murderous rampage.
"When the woman who murdered his brother escapes from the mental institute, a bookish highs school senior must fight for his life when the serial killer now targets him."
“When the woman who murdered his brother escapes from the mental institute, a bookish highs school senior must fight for his life when the serial killer now targets him.”
See lessAn escaped psychopath, institutionalized for the brutal murder of men who sexually abused her, stalks a teenage boy and his friends while a local detective chases her through town, determined to save her son’s life.
Who's the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it's the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal. So something like: A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer beRead more
Who’s the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it’s the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal.
So something like:
A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer before she kills her son.
But left begging is: why has the serial killer zeroed in on her son??? What has he done to “deserve” her attention?? A logline can’t explain everything, but every action laid out in the logline must make sense to a reader.
Also, It might be better to describe her a sociopath or a serial killer. (Technically, a psychopath is too out of touch with reality to function well enough in the real world to maintain a sustained activity of any kind.)
fwiw
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