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When his older brother’s killer escapes after being institutionalized for 12 years, ISAAC, a bookish High School Senior, must fight for his life in order to escape her murderous rampage.
"When the woman who murdered his brother escapes from the mental institute, a bookish highs school senior must fight for his life when the serial killer now targets him."
“When the woman who murdered his brother escapes from the mental institute, a bookish highs school senior must fight for his life when the serial killer now targets him.”
See lessAn escaped psychopath, institutionalized for the brutal murder of men who sexually abused her, stalks a teenage boy and his friends while a local detective chases her through town, determined to save her son’s life.
Who's the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it's the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal. So something like: A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer beRead more
Who’s the protagonist?? The psychopath or the local detective.? If it’s the detective, then she should lead off the logline., not be tacked onto the end.? Particularly as she is the character with the positive goal.
So something like:
A detective must find and stop an escaped female serial killer before she kills her son.
But left begging is: why has the serial killer zeroed in on her son??? What has he done to “deserve” her attention?? A logline can’t explain everything, but every action laid out in the logline must make sense to a reader.
Also, It might be better to describe her a sociopath or a serial killer. (Technically, a psychopath is too out of touch with reality to function well enough in the real world to maintain a sustained activity of any kind.)
fwiw
See lessWhen a small town is terrorized by killer deer, an underachieving Park Ranger and her trainee must track down the source of the outbreak while keeping themselves and the townspeople from becoming the endangered species.
kcguru:Your latest version is probably good enough.? But as I am an an OCD nit picker, I am inclined to suggest a slightly more concise version, like:When a small town is attacked by zombie deer, an underachieving park ranger searches for a cure while fighting to save the townspeople from becoming aRead more
kcguru:
Your latest version is probably good enough.? But as I am an an OCD nit picker, I am inclined to suggest a slightly more concise version, like:
When a small town is attacked by zombie deer, an underachieving park ranger searches for a cure while fighting to save the townspeople from becoming an endangered species.
(28 words versus 32 words)
The enthusiastic trainee may be unnecessary for the logline unless, perhaps, you are playing the story as a dark comedy horror in which case the relationship between the two would be an important source of comic relief. I kind of see it as a comedy-horror flick, a parody of the trope, because of the “Bambi goes Beserk” twist/hook, innocent looking deer are an endangering species, not an endangered one.
As for cutting out “keeping themselves”– it goes without saying they want to save themselves. So it need not be said.
Whatever.? Zombie deer is a killer concept.?? This is a film I would definitely want to see.? Very best wishes.
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