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A junior level cyber crimes analyst searches for the truth behind a college student?s death and a smartphone App that supposedly takes the life of whoever agrees to its terms of service. Now she must find the tech savy killer before he strikes his next victim, her family.
Good start.Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this isRead more
Good start.
Next take, add the manner in which people die because I expect that to be more than just them collapsing. Or say more about the terms. There are a few movies (and many scripts) with killer phones so details are important to make this stand out. The details can also help clarify if this is a slasher horror or a dark thriller.
>> A junior level cyber crimes analyst
This means she’s close to having all the ability to finding the perp. Instead, consider a protag who would have a harder time succeeding. If this is a slasher or otherwise for that general market, then is such a protag ideal? Usually the protag is teen to college-age because of the people who watch that kind of flick.
When in the script do you see the protag’s family being targeted? If it’s the Midpoint or earlier, make it meatier in the logline. If it’s Act III, no need for it in the logline and it’s anyway assumed she or a loved one would end up in the crosshairs,
Once she knows the family is targeted, wouldn’t it be easy to prevent danger by telling them not to? download or use that app? This connects to the first comment…need more for the mental picture and sharpness of the hook.
See lessA woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from them must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by which a gate to hell is opened every time he sleeps.
>> A woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from themThis is a comeuppance story, right? Even if yes, seems the details aren't necessary and it would be simpler to call her, for example, a con artist.>> must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by whichRead more
>> A woman who seduces and drugs men to steal from them
This is a comeuppance story, right? Even if yes, seems the details aren’t necessary and it would be simpler to call her, for example, a con artist.
>> must fight for her life after framing a man with a bizarre sleep condition by which a gate to hell is opened every time he sleeps.
Intriguing setup. What is the fight…the objective and antag? Create a sense of what would happen in most of the script. Clarify if the protag’s hell problem is one night or more.
The framing part is confusing and tips the right-wrong scale too much against her. Why isn’t this guy her newest mark?
See lessAfter being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief, a group of teens must fight for their lives when they discover that their teachers are aliens who feed on the brains of children.
I like horror and the logline is a good start, but my personal taste says the story in the logline is too familiar and superficial.>> After being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief,It sounds like the other kids are attacked first and this group survives becauseRead more
I like horror and the logline is a good start, but my personal taste says the story in the logline is too familiar and superficial.
>> After being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief,
It sounds like the other kids are attacked first and this group survives because they’re locked up. If yes, this is a detail for the script and not the logline. Consider starting like, “After their teachers are revealed to be brain-eating aliens…“
In a group like this, one character is technically the protag so state her or him, possibly another if necessary, and then clump the others. Describe the protag so that we care and want her or him to succeed.
Once it says teens, “children” at the end throws me off because it makes me think of those under 13.
Is there some depth or something relatable about this that wasn’t mentioned?
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