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After being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief, a group of teens must fight for their lives when they discover that their teachers are aliens who feed on the brains of children.
I like horror and the logline is a good start, but my personal taste says the story in the logline is too familiar and superficial.>> After being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief,It sounds like the other kids are attacked first and this group survives becauseRead more
I like horror and the logline is a good start, but my personal taste says the story in the logline is too familiar and superficial.
>> After being accidentally locked up in their classroom due to a failed mischief,
It sounds like the other kids are attacked first and this group survives because they’re locked up. If yes, this is a detail for the script and not the logline. Consider starting like, “After their teachers are revealed to be brain-eating aliens…“
In a group like this, one character is technically the protag so state her or him, possibly another if necessary, and then clump the others. Describe the protag so that we care and want her or him to succeed.
Once it says teens, “children” at the end throws me off because it makes me think of those under 13.
Is there some depth or something relatable about this that wasn’t mentioned?
See lessA woman who has just escaped from her abusive husband and moved to an old apartment must defend her autistic child from an evil entity which he accidentally released after befriending the neighbor, a mysterious old man who claims to be a renowned magician.
There seems to be no direct cause and effect between the abusive husband and the rest of the story. Maybe I'm missing something, but it looks like that part can be cut from the logline. The inciting event seems to be the entity appearing for the first time. Is there a specific event in which the entRead more
There seems to be no direct cause and effect between the abusive husband and the rest of the story. Maybe I’m missing something, but it looks like that part can be cut from the logline. The inciting event seems to be the entity appearing for the first time. Is there a specific event in which the entity first does something to the boy?
See lessA semi-retired military contractor accepts a special recon job involving defected Allied and Enemy soldiers in the Middle-East, there, the PMCs uncover a ritualistic cult heralding the emergence of their colossal-sized Nephilim.
The potential is there.Another way to look at it is to consider when the Nephillim are revealed. The way the logline is now, it sounds like Act II is about preventing Act III, the emergence of the Nephillim. If so, that can be broken down into? the specific action with the cult. Or if at least one gRead more
The potential is there.
Another way to look at it is to consider when the Nephillim are revealed. The way the logline is now, it sounds like Act II is about preventing Act III, the emergence of the Nephillim. If so, that can be broken down into? the specific action with the cult. Or if at least one giant emerges to start Act II, then the logline needs to be adjusted for accuracy.
I assume there’s a corrupt angel involved and women being impregnated. (Makes me think the angel heads the cult or was somehow captured and the cult developed around it.) If so and they have a large role in the story, then include them in the logline as they would be some of the needed specifics. If no, then the logline should not leave open the natural assumption.
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