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  1. Posted: March 7, 2019In: Horror

    A Specialized Law Enforcement Group gets on a train to arrest an assassin, now they team up with the assassin to stop a runaway train infested with flesh eating demons before it crashes. (Revision 4)

    kokobin Penpusher
    Added an answer on March 7, 2019 at 9:33 pm

    A Specialized Law Enforcement Group --------------- The word you are looking for is a SWAT team. Special Weapons and Tactics team. A SWAT team boards a train to arrest an assassin, then teams up with the assassin to stop a runaway train infested with flesh-eating demons before it crashes. (RevisionRead more

    A Specialized Law Enforcement Group
    —————
    The word you are looking for is a SWAT team.
    Special Weapons and Tactics team.

    A SWAT team boards a train to arrest an assassin, then teams up with the assassin to stop a runaway train infested with flesh-eating demons before it crashes. (Revision 4)

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  2. Posted: March 5, 2019In: Horror

    The Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on a uncontrolled, flesh eating demon infested train before it crashes and destroy everything on board. (Revision 3)

    kokobin Penpusher
    Added an answer on March 7, 2019 at 8:57 am

    The Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on ------------ a ===================================== The correct phrasing should be: The Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on an?uncontrolled, flesh-eating, demon-infested tRead more

    The Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on
    ————
    a
    =====================================

    The correct phrasing should be:

    The Leader of a Specialized Law Enforcement Group must save himself and his team on an?uncontrolled, flesh-eating, demon-infested train before it crashes and destroy everything on board.

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  3. Posted: March 4, 2019In: Horror

    Revision 2: After a miraculous survival of a meteor shower, an elite leader must get his team to the engine room of a high speed moving train, loaded with flesh eating demons, before it crashes.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on March 4, 2019 at 6:39 pm

    As in Richiev's example, you can scrap the meteor shower. It doesn't seem to have any bearing on the story. Also noted in Richiev's version is a purpose for stopping the train "so they and the survivors can escape". There are stakes and this makes the story compelling. I think in yours (at the momenRead more

    As in Richiev’s example, you can scrap the meteor shower. It doesn’t seem to have any bearing on the story. Also noted in Richiev’s version is a purpose for stopping the train “so they and the survivors can escape”. There are stakes and this makes the story compelling. I think in yours (at the moment) I’m not sure I care about whether they win or lose. I need to want them to win!

    This elite leader… can you give us more information about him? What’s his journey?

    Is this team conveniently on the train at the start? Or do they come along to kill the demons?

    Fwiw – I really like the idea of setting an action/horror film on a train. Low production value too.

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