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After fending themselves from enemy forces, a small U.S. platoon escape into the Afghan mountains where they unknowingly enter into a strange and surreal game of survival with a hostile giant during their tour of duty.
Think of the Inciting Incident and the Goal as a question and an answer. The goal must answer the question posed by the inciting incident. What do you do when a shark kills a tourist on your beach? You try to kill the shark. They must be related! With that in mind, your inciting incident is relatedRead more
Think of the Inciting Incident and the Goal as a question and an answer. The goal must answer the question posed by the inciting incident. What do you do when a shark kills a tourist on your beach? You try to kill the shark. They must be related! With that in mind, your inciting incident is related to the soldiers fending off an attack and escaping into the mountains but the goal is to survive with the hostile giant. The inciting incident, in my opinion, is the appearance of the giant. This is the event that changes everything and sets up Acts II and III.
I think this was discussed with previous versions of this logline but pick a central protagonist – like the leader of this merry band of soldiers. It’s easier for an audience to get emotionally involved with a story when there is one character they care about more than the others.
“Strange and surreal game of survival” – Why is it strange and surreal? We need to understand what this is going to look like on screen because film is a visual medium. Making sure the reader has a clear idea what’s going on gives you a better chance of someone picking this up. Ambiguity or vagueness leaves the reader to fill in the blanks in their own head and this is never good if it’s not the story you’re trying to tell.
Hope this helps.
See lessAfter a toxic incident occurs during an online gaming stream, the streamer and his close circle of friends are targeted in real life as the streamer attempts to find out who’s behind the attacks.
"When his online role-playing game collapses in a huge argument, a high school geek must turn investigator as the group members begin to be murdered one by one."
“When his online role-playing game collapses in a huge argument, a high school geek must turn investigator as the group members begin to be murdered one by one.”
See less1) In order to save two girls, a cop must go into the disturbed criminal’s mind to find where the criminal hide them before they die a painful death and risk losing his own mind in the process. 2) With two girls kidnapped and missing and the criminal in custody, a cop gets caught up in a game with a smart yet mentally disturbed criminal in order to find out where the criminal stashed the girls before they die. (Psychological Horror)
Version 1 - I'm a little confused by the "go into the disturbed criminal's mind" bit. Do you mean literally? Like Inception? How does the cop lose his own mind? Version 2 - This reminds me of Silence of the Lambs. If the criminal is in custody how are these girls going to die? Is it simply a waitingRead more
Version 1 – I’m a little confused by the “go into the disturbed criminal’s mind” bit. Do you mean literally? Like Inception? How does the cop lose his own mind?
Version 2 – This reminds me of Silence of the Lambs. If the criminal is in custody how are these girls going to die? Is it simply a waiting game – they’ll die of thirst – or has he anticipated his capture and that’s part of his game (Like Seven)? I want to know what this game actually entails. Is it mind games while they sit and talk? Or is the cop going out and doing tasks like Die Hard with a Vengeance? Be more specific so that the reader can visualise the story a little better.
I want to know where the action is mostly taking place. If it’s largely within the interrogation room at police HQ then I worry that, visually, it’s not very interesting. If the protagonist is journeying inside the criminal’s mind – that could be cool! Definitely needs to be clearer though. Could you just call him a psychic cop? That would possibly be enough to tie up version 1 a little better. I also think this concept is a better hook than anything in version 2. That being said, if this cop is psychic (or whatever) surely it’s pretty easy for him to just locate them. How is this going to be more of a challenge for him?
Interesting concept, I think it just needs to be unpacked a little more.
Hope this helps.
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