1. Posted: October 8, 2018In:

    A straight laced police detective must track down a serial killer brutally murdering children’s TV presenters.

    craigwchenery Logliner

    What makes the cop stand out? Does he/she change during the course of the investigation to become less so?? Does being straight laced affect the investigation? What does this trait bring to the table? Cheers! Craig

    What makes the cop stand out? Does he/she change during the course of the investigation to become less so?? Does being straight laced affect the investigation? What does this trait bring to the table?

    Cheers!

    Craig

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  2. Posted: October 10, 2018In:

    During an extraction, the head of a Special Forces unit vanishes overnight, the second-in-command leads an impromptu search and rescue in which the unit are attacked by an adversary from an ancient and forgotten age.

    Mike Pedley Singularity

    The problem you're always going to face is that, without getting what you have in your head across effectively in your logline, the reader will have no choice but to make comparisons with existing material. You clearly have knowledge of Nephilims and how you want this character to act, look, move, eRead more

    The problem you’re always going to face is that, without getting what you have in your head across effectively in your logline, the reader will have no choice but to make comparisons with existing material.

    You clearly have knowledge of Nephilims and how you want this character to act, look, move, etc BUT if we don’t then it makes zero difference. As I said previously, if the reader doesn’t know what a Nephilim is, keeping in mind that your entire story is focussed around one, you’re always going to have issues. This creature is the one thing that will set your story apart from others and if you’re vague about it then everyone is simply going to imagine something that’s already been done. All the best monsters stand out from the crowd. They’re unique and they’d be described in such a way that creates a unique image in the reader’s head:

    Hulking patchwork of human parts.?Giant ape.?Man eating shark.?Intellectual and charismatic cannibal.?Creepy clown demon. I bet all of these immediately suggest a movie monster to you.

    Simply put, make sure the reader’s vision is as close to yours as possible.

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  3. Posted: October 3, 2018In:

    Presumed dead, a vengeful old man uses his grandson as a vessel to help the police bust the cult that has destroyed his own life in order to save the human race.

    dpg Singularity

    As the others have said.I think the logline should focus on, be framed in terms of the character who is most in jeopardy, who has to take the greater risks.? In which case, it? seems the grandson should be cast as the protagonist, not the grandfather.Also, for the old man to want revenge -- okay,? tRead more

    As the others have said.

    I think the logline should focus on, be framed in terms of the character who is most in jeopardy, who has to take the greater risks.? In which case, it? seems the grandson should be cast as the protagonist, not the grandfather.

    Also, for the old man to want revenge — okay,? that’s understandable.? But to? say that the fate of the human race is at stake seems over the top in terms of the stakes. Exactly how does the?cult pose a threat to the survival of all humanity?? What makes the cult so horrible?

    And why would the grandson consent to be used as pawn by the grandfather?? What’s his motivation for putting his life in jeopardy?

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