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A brilliant DACA student is abducted to an island with four other people, all trying to escape until a violent mistake spirals out of control, revealing no one to be who they seem. She must figure out whom to trust and survive.
At 42 words this, much like your other loglines, is too long and it hides plot crucial details - check out the 'Formula' tab on the top bar for more information on logline conventions. What is a DACA student? The fact I need to ask means it's the wrong description to use. It's best to only include pRead more
At 42 words this, much like your other loglines, is too long and it hides plot crucial details – check out the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar for more information on logline conventions.
What is a DACA student? The fact I need to ask means it’s the wrong description to use. It’s best to only include phrases, words, and acronyms that most decision makers can understand without Googling.
“…a violent mistake…” – this needs clarification, what exactly happens that is a violent mistake?
See less“…spirals out of control…” – what does this mean in practical terms?
“…must figure out whom to trust and survive…” – loglines are used to describe a plot which requires a goal not goals, so which of these is the primary goal for the MC. As survival holds greater stakes, I suggest you make that her goal. However, survival is rather generic and merely a preservation of the status quo, is there something else she can do that will give her a better outcome? For example, she could be made the leader and responsible for the lives of the rest of the characters.
The uncategorized mystery cases have brought a spiritual detective to the secret of folk legends. She and her squad will discover a feud between two clans that have survived for thousands years of Vietnamese history.
"When a spiritual detective is brought into an unsolved folk mystery, she discovers a feud between two surviving clans of Vietnam..." some questions pop in head: 1. What do you mean by a spiritual detective? 2. What specifically is this unsolved mystery? 3. What is the secret of the folk legends? 4.Read more
“When a spiritual detective is brought into an unsolved folk mystery, she discovers a feud between two surviving clans of Vietnam…”
some questions pop in head:
1. What do you mean by a spiritual detective?
2. What specifically is this unsolved mystery?
3. What is the secret of the folk legends?
4. What specific visual goal does discovering this feud create for your protagonist?
5. What exactly is the Vietnamese history you are referring to here?
Feel free to reveal your plot (until it messes with the final reveal) and frame it in a logline. Now it would become a long version but from there you can try trimming the unnecessary details.
PS. The “formula tab” on top is really useful.
See lessA former lone wolf blackwater operative is forced back with his team to stop a terrorist organization from getting a mythological artifact that could destroyed the planet.
When a mythological artefact with the cataclysmic capability is stolen by terrorists, a dishonourably discharged U.S. Navy seal must team back with his former team to prevent its activation. Seems to be telling the same story without the Black Ops and Blackwater confusion. Dishonourable discharged aRead more
When a mythological artefact with the cataclysmic capability is stolen by terrorists, a dishonourably discharged U.S. Navy seal must team back with his former team to prevent its activation.
See lessSeems to be telling the same story without the Black Ops and Blackwater confusion. Dishonourable discharged adds tension to the team reunion.