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A disillusioned crusader returns home to find wife in danger of losing her soul.
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. What starts him off on his journey - What event makes him realise that the wife's soul is in danger? Then, as a result of that, what must he do to save her? These are the most important bits of information your logline needs to communicate, but as it is now, they are gloRead more
Agreed with Richiev and DPG.
What starts him off on his journey – What event makes him realise that the wife’s soul is in danger? Then, as a result of that, what must he do to save her?
These are the most important bits of information your logline needs to communicate, but as it is now, they are glossed over with no detail.
See lessAfter dying, Psychiatrist Ray Sandler and his secretary Caroline Neuwirth discover that they have gone to Hell and not Heaven. But there is hope in the form of Ben, a demon who offers both Ray and Caroline a chance to return to Earth, but at a cost. They must agree to get souls for Hell.
Simple rule : event - character - action. No names, never, ever. It sounds like it would be interesting if Ben was the protagonist, because you don't want to write about two protagonists - especially as a newbie. So, why does Ben want souls? he's lonely? The deserving hell types are soooo predictablRead more
Simple rule : event – character – action. No names, never, ever. It sounds like it would be interesting if Ben was the protagonist, because you don’t want to write about two protagonists – especially as a newbie. So, why does Ben want souls? he’s lonely? The deserving hell types are soooo predictable? This is Ben’s story. If you changed his name to Stu you could call the screenplay Stu Alone.
Try this: “When a couple enter?Hell and turn ?heads because it was an obvious error, a lonely demon longing for better friends?notices their goodly people-filled rolodexes, so?he presents an offer guaranteeing redirection?to Heaven, but with a ?caveat because?they would have to deliver heavenly souls in a manner that would NOT make them?deserving of Hell.”
A fantastic setup! It’s a really long logline now – but you get the picture. It could be a comedy too.
See lessA research facility in Antarctica comes across an alien force that can become anything it touches with 100% accuracy. The members must now find out who’s human and who’s not before it’s too late. THE THING – 1982
Well, here's my attempt:When an alien species able to transmorgify into anything it kills attacks a remote Antarctic research station, the scientists must find out who's still human in order to survive. (29 words)Yeah, I know, I know. ?The logline doesn't single out a protagonist. ?I've never seen iRead more
Well, here’s my attempt:
When an alien species able to transmorgify into anything it kills attacks a remote Antarctic research station, the scientists must find out who’s still human in order to survive.
(29 words)
Yeah, I know, I know. ?The logline doesn’t single out a protagonist. ?I’ve never seen it, so I’m guessing that it’s primarily an ensemble piece. ?The ?plot is not about the struggle of one particular individual to survive, but the struggle of any one to survive.
And the hook of the story is the nature of the alien and the particular predicament it poses for the humans. ?That is, in order to survive the cast of characters must figure out who is human and who is an alien in disguise.
fwiw
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