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When, after being revived from a near drowning, a devout little girl is plagued by nightly visits from an evil dwarf-like creature, (22) her two disbelieving teen brothers must convince their terrified, and missing, African housekeeper to help them find a way to banish it. (44)
My ?take on the logline: After being revived from drowning, a devout little girl is plagued by nightly visits from an evil dwarf-like creature. In order to banish the creature, her two disbelieving twin brothers and the African housekeeper undergo a dangerous sacred ritual.
My ?take on the logline:
After being revived from drowning, a devout little girl is plagued by nightly visits from an evil dwarf-like creature. In order to banish the creature, her two disbelieving twin brothers and the African housekeeper undergo a dangerous sacred ritual.
See lessA relief party of argonauts is assembled to reestablish correspondence with a gold claim in the mountains of California where a terrible beast sentinels a vast fortune.
This will sound harsh. The logline is about your story not about you. You can write the crap out of a sentence but I don't know exactly what the story is about.
This will sound harsh. The logline is about your story not about you. You can write the crap out of a sentence but I don’t know exactly what the story is about.
See lessA disillusioned crusader returns home to find wife in danger of losing her soul.
Agreed with Richiev and DPG. What starts him off on his journey - What event makes him realise that the wife's soul is in danger? Then, as a result of that, what must he do to save her? These are the most important bits of information your logline needs to communicate, but as it is now, they are gloRead more
Agreed with Richiev and DPG.
What starts him off on his journey – What event makes him realise that the wife’s soul is in danger? Then, as a result of that, what must he do to save her?
These are the most important bits of information your logline needs to communicate, but as it is now, they are glossed over with no detail.
See less