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Confined to her apt complex during a CDC quarentine Briona must find a way for her father and her lovers not to kill each other.
The story has 2 distinct dramatic problems:There's a flu epidemic raging. A father wants to kill his daughter's lovers.Either one could set up a story line for a movie plot. ?But trying to combine them into one movie seems to over complicate the story line. ?It feels contrived. ?Complication for theRead more
The story has 2 distinct dramatic problems:
There’s a flu epidemic raging.
A father wants to kill his daughter’s lovers.
Either one could set up a story line for a movie plot. ?But trying to combine them into one movie seems to over complicate the story line. ?It feels contrived. ?Complication for the sake of complication without a clear causal relationship between the two dramatic problems.
Further, the logline seems to confuse a complicating incident for an inciting incident.
There is no obvious cause-and-effect relationship between epidemic/quarantine and the father’s murderous intent. ?Because the father would want to kill her lovers even if there was no epidemic, right? ?Because isn’t the cause of his anger is his discovery of her sex life which offends his morality (I presume)?
?The epidemic is a complication, but it is ?not a cause. ?So, it’s not the inciting incident. ?
What is the real inciting incident that triggers her father’s murderous rage? ?Whatever it is, that is what should lead off the logline.
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See lessA rapidly spreading sickness causes a suicidal teenager to put aside her intentions to save her loved ones.
The re-writes are a machete when we need a scalpel. A troubled teen?must somehow help her family survive inside of a quarantine zone until the cure for a mysterious illness can be found. I don't see any reason to reveal that she is suicidal. If she is, fine. Have her deal with it inside of the storyRead more
The re-writes are a machete when we need a scalpel.
A troubled teen?must somehow help her family survive inside of a quarantine zone until the cure for a mysterious illness can be found.
I don’t see any reason to reveal that she is suicidal. If she is, fine. Have her deal with it inside of the story. Usually, in sci-fi stories like this, the MC has the cure lingering inside of their body somehow. If this is not the case here, I still fail to see how a teenager will save the day in the end, but hey, I hope the OP has figured it out somehow and this gets made.
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Djhasms, See the above response in your secondary post.
Djhasms,
See the above response in your secondary post.
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