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A mousey, risk adverse,Japanese/American single mom, takes on the Tokyo mafia to rescue her long lost brother and restore her family’s art fortune.
An interesting premise for senior actors! Consider the following: When is your story set? In 2022, your protag is 65+ and her brother is 70+? You would think the brother would be a Yakuza Family Head or some senior member by now. Since this is the only family he’s known, I did a double-take on the rRead more
An interesting premise for senior actors!
Consider the following:
When is your story set? In 2022, your protag is 65+ and her brother is 70+?
You would think the brother would be a Yakuza Family Head or some senior member by now. Since this is the only family he’s known, I did a double-take on the rescue plot.
Which Major Event (Art/Brother) is her call to action? My vote is the art and to keep the brother discovery plot in the shadows until ACT II.
What is the connecting tissue between the Buddhist Monastery and the Yakuza?
Workshopping the structure:
When discovering [WWII secreted family art], retired Japanese American sets out to [Japanese Buddhist monastery] with a group of courageous seniors on a hail marry mission to reclaim her inheritance/fortune under the protection of the infamous Tokyo mafia/Yakuza gang”
The B story can be the brother e.g., brother turns from the dark side to help sis, Yakuza wants the spoils and them dead.
Hope you find this constructive, make this yours – keep going!
See lessFalion’s blind adherence to duty and honor and a curse that prevents him from ever touching another, isolate the half-blood in the backwater human village to which he was banished; but when undertaking a quest to avenge a murdered boy and rescue his lord’s daughter allows him to return home to his beloved Lumiden, city of the immortals, the tangle of lies and deceptions he uncovers shatters his ideals and forces him to sacrifice his true love, his honor, and everything he thought was sacred to save the life of his mortal enemy to avert a war that could devastate his world…and others.
Intriguing synopsis. Check out the “Formula” link in the header for logline structure help. The goal is to get your logline in an industry-standard state where we (readers) can provide constructive feedback.
Intriguing synopsis. Check out the “Formula” link in the header for logline structure help. The goal is to get your logline in an industry-standard state where we (readers) can provide constructive feedback.
See less“An African-American family moves into a small gated community faces racial discrimination from the white community members is forced to leave, but everything changes when a terrible incident occurs, which ends racism”
Protagonists are Proactive In your logline, things happen to your protagonists. First, they face discrimination Second, they are forced to leave Third, an incident occurs But what does the family do about it? What action do your leads take? In other words, your protagonists are coming across as passRead more
Protagonists are Proactive
In your logline, things happen to your protagonists.
First, they face discrimination
Second, they are forced to leave
Third, an incident occurs
But what does the family do about it? What action do your leads take?
In other words, your protagonists are coming across as passive.
If that is not the case, if in your story the protagonists are proactive, you should add that element to improve the logline.
Hope that helps
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