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Leaving a trail of bodies in his wake, a vengeful college student must kill the men who murdered his parents while dealing with a determined government agent who will stop at nothing to catch him.
I get the story from the logline, so that is a plus because sometimes I read a logline and I still have no clue what the story is about. So good job making the story clear. I do think you need one more element or twist in the logline to set this apart from other 'out for vengeance' movies. SomethingRead more
I get the story from the logline, so that is a plus because sometimes I read a logline and I still have no clue what the story is about. So good job making the story clear.
I do think you need one more element or twist in the logline to set this apart from other ‘out for vengeance’ movies.
See lessSomething to make the reader of the logline sit up and take notice. Something to make them think, “Ooh, that’s interesting” (A Hook)
During the BLM riots, a well-to-do couple takes in and tends to a wounded a black man. But when they discover he may be wanted for murdering a cop, they must decide whether to believe in his innocence, or face the consequences of harboring a cop killer.
The concept is solid, however logically, it isn't up to the leads to decide whether the wounded man is innocent or guilty, it is up to a judge. Deciding innocence or guilt is above their pay grade. As a result, you need to add another element, that he is hunted by some specific person (Or people) ouRead more
The concept is solid, however logically, it isn’t up to the leads to decide whether the wounded man is innocent or guilty, it is up to a judge. Deciding innocence or guilt is above their pay grade.
As a result, you need to add another element, that he is hunted by some specific person (Or people) out for vengeance. These people don’t care about justice just vengeance. So it may be immoral for the leads to hand him over to the police since some in the police force might not want him to go to trial but might just want him dead.
In adding that element, now handing him over to the authorities might be immoral, but harboring him might be immoral also, thus the Delima and the conflict.
See lessA duty-bound family woman, unbearably taunted by her cruel husband and co-conspiring offspring, finds release in the joy of serial killing, until seduced by an unsuspecting victim.
I also find this intriguing, particularly because it is a female lead involved in possible justified deviant behavior. I would omit a few words from this simply because I feel you may be repeating things, that would then give you more room to add new details if you wished. For example "family" is imRead more
I also find this intriguing, particularly because it is a female lead involved in possible justified deviant behavior.
I would omit a few words from this simply because I feel you may be repeating things, that would then give you more room to add new details if you wished.
For example “family” is implied when you mention the husband and offspring
“unbearably” possibly remove that and increase the stakes of the word taunted with a stronger word choice?.
Also “release in the joy” could we not argue any emotion is a release, e/motion = energy in motion could you possibly omit one of those words or rephrase with a stronger word choice.
“emancipates herself in …..”
A question, what kid of serial killing is it? Could it be possible to add a little specificity with regards to that?
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