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When a young 2.0 human called Uluru meets other humans like him, he must decide if he stays with the pygmy tribe that accepted him as one of their own or leave the tribe searching for a promised land occupied by other 2.0 humans.
"Young 2.0 human" = protagonist "meets other humans like him" = inciting incident "must ... search for a promised land occupied by other 2.0 humans" = character goal Great log line. Sci-fi is a favorite genre. If this were my logline, I'd go deeper on the 'Sophie's Choice (1982)' like dilemma presenRead more
“Young 2.0 human” = protagonist
“meets other humans like him” = inciting incident
“must … search for a promised land occupied by other 2.0 humans” = character goal
Great log line. Sci-fi is a favorite genre. If this were my logline, I’d go deeper on the ‘Sophie’s Choice (1982)’ like dilemma presented by the main cyborg character.
An inciting incident is usually an event that catapults the character into the story crucible. They are literally trapped, in a place that makes them feel very (very) uncomfortable.
What ‘type’ of character is the cyborg? Courageous/weak? Curious/incurious? Optimistic/Pessimistic?
By defining the personality type, the audience can then anticipate how much the character is going to squirm in the given situation. A choice to stay with friendly people, or find a promise land, will very much reflect the values of a character. A Weak, incurious and pessimistic character, would I imagine, stay in safety with the group. But what if this same character where rejected by the group – wow, what an adventure they might have. They may even transform, character arcing into a new amazing person …
See lessA terminal twenty-something comedienne who sacrificed her social life for unfulfilled stardom struggles to dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse so she won’t have to die alone.
"terminal twenty-something female comedienne" = protagonist "unfulfilled stardom" = inciting incident? "dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse" = main character goal Love the use of high concept in this logline - Doubtfire MEETS Fault in our Stars really activates theRead more
“terminal twenty-something female comedienne” = protagonist
“unfulfilled stardom” = inciting incident?
“dupe the quixotic gigolo she falls for into becoming her hospice nurse” = main character goal
Love the use of high concept in this logline – Doubtfire MEETS Fault in our Stars really activates the imagination. However, unfortunately struggling to match the characters up – obviously our 20 year old comedienne isn’t played by Mrs. Doubtfire!
If this were my logline, I’d go deeper on the inciting incident. “Unfulfilled stardom” is more of a character quality, than an actual event. Think “BOOM” -> something happens to this character – expected or unexpected – but their life is about to change, and change in a major way. The clue might be in what our impractical gigolo does to said comedienne. In other words, what is the major event that causes her to become a nurse?
See lessHiding her psychopathic ego from family and co-workers an emergency department doctor who spends her days healing, and nights hurting, must play a complicated game of cat and mouse when the police start investigating her.
Hi mobiuswest, I think this sounds like an intriguing concept. All the ingredients for a good idea are here, though some details of the logline could be polished I think. Two things would need clarification for me to make this more appealing: 1. "...an emergency department doctor who spends her daysRead more
Hi mobiuswest,
I think this sounds like an intriguing concept. All the ingredients for a good idea are here, though some details of the logline could be polished I think. Two things would need clarification for me to make this more appealing:
1. “…an emergency department doctor who spends her days healing, and nights hurting…:” We assume already that she helps patients and detail of her only “hurting” patients during the night seems vague and random without more context and reasoning. I would amplify the word “hurt” a bit and specify it further. Think of trying to create imagery in the readers head. For example, “mutilate” conjures a much clearer picture of what this person actually does, just so you know what I’m talking about.
2. “…must play a complicated game of cat and mouse when the police start investigating her…:” Again, this feels vague and not like anything that gives an immediate sense of how that movie will play on screen. The game of cat and mouse I assume will be the second act of your script, and by thinking about what will happen during that act you should be able to zoom in on this. I believe the problem goes back to using “the police” as an antagonist. This is a chance to craft an antagonist that employs a strategy to bring our hero to justice which is really threatening. “Start investigating her” also feels like it could be powered up. Why not actually use something like “bring her to justice” as the antagonist’s goal? That makes the conflict much clearer and feels more high stakes than an investigation.
One last caveat: you are writing an essentially reprehensible heroine, and that is a challenge in term of creating empathy for her. I would definitely watch this, because I’m prone to very flawed to even immoral characters, because I find deviant people fascinating, but many people find this tasteless if not done with finesse.
Hope that helps,
See lessBeeZeeBee