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When his sister is taken, a rule-loving fiddler crab breaks out of his shell and dives claw first into a global climate crisis to save her.
A like the idea of an animated family adventure involving a timely issue like the global climate crisis so you've got a great hook. I think a bit more detail could strengthen the logline. I'd clarify how or by who the sister crab gets taken and how the protagonist crab "breaks out of his shell" to sRead more
A like the idea of an animated family adventure involving a timely issue like the global climate crisis so you’ve got a great hook. I think a bit more detail could strengthen the logline. I’d clarify how or by who the sister crab gets taken and how the protagonist crab “breaks out of his shell” to save her. Something to help visualize the story more. Overall, I like what’s here.
See lessAs a compulsive gambler watches a game that could erase his huge debt to a dangerous bookie, he thinks about how he got to this point and everything he has at stake.
"compulsive gambler" = protagonist "watches a game" = inciting incident "erase his huge debt" = story goal "a dangerous bookie" = villain All the key ingredients for a logline are here, yet something feels missing. And it might be in the sentence ".. thinks about how he got to this point ..." NothinRead more
“compulsive gambler” = protagonist
“watches a game” = inciting incident
“erase his huge debt” = story goal
“a dangerous bookie” = villain
All the key ingredients for a logline are here, yet something feels missing. And it might be in the sentence “.. thinks about how he got to this point …”
Nothing is more boring for audiences, than to watch a character sit there – thinking. Film Directors shout ACTION! for a reason, and it’s because a character’s action, is (yes, you guessed it) an expression of CHARACTER.
So, the question is, what is our gambler friend going to do? Run, hide, rob a bank, murder a loved one … it’s your story, you decide, but what they do, determines who they are. Courageous or weak? Smart or dumb? Honest or Dishonest? These are the qualities which will fate the character. And more importantly, determine the story’s character arc.
See lessA veteran female rock musician shows the ropes of four other young women about the music industry.
Sounds like a setup without any conflict.
Sounds like a setup without any conflict.
See less