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A high school student decides to swap bodies with a teacher who is a superhero wearing a bunny costume.
There are many questions. How does one swap bodies in the world of this story? And why is the student's teacher a superhero wearing a bunny costume?
There are many questions. How does one swap bodies in the world of this story? And why is the student’s teacher a superhero wearing a bunny costume?
See lessTwo British academicians, a Christian girl and a Muslim Pakistani man fall in love with each other and decide to live together but an appalling incident changes their lives forever.
The logline doesn't make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an "appalling incident" is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It's not clear.
The logline doesn’t make clear how and/or why their difference in religion is an issue or if it even is an issue. And an “appalling incident” is a very broad term that could be just about anything. Is the appalling incident connected to their religions or is it something random? It’s not clear.
See lessWhen a mysterious stranger hires an adept journalist in a mind investigation firm, he discovers the shocking truth – his life is but a dream world wrought by his new boss, Satan, and forced to choose between his lover and career.
This logline is confusing. 1: The logline does not tell us who the "He" is. You have a mysterious stranger and an adept journalist, then you say, he, but do not say which 'he' you mean. In order to clarify this you should try writing it more along the lines of: "When he's hired by a mysterious stranRead more
This logline is confusing.
1: The logline does not tell us who the “He” is. You have a mysterious stranger and an adept journalist, then you say, he, but do not say which ‘he’ you mean.
In order to clarify this you should try writing it more along the lines of:
“When he’s hired by a mysterious stranger, an adept journalist working for a mind investigation firm discovers…”
2: The logline does not address the central problem.
a: Problem: He is living in a dream world
b: Solution: Must choose between career and lover?
So the solution of choosing between career and lover doesn’t solve the problem of living in a dream world.
Anyway, hope this helped, the first problem is easily fixed with a little shuffling of words, the second problem is more difficult since I don’t know the full story, I am not sure what the solution is.
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