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When a 40 year old anal retentive, but lovable single woman’s pain in the ass, but loveable father is diagnosed with dementia, her distorted sense of obligation to fulfill a childhood promise to her dying mother, almost costs her her lifelong dream of getting married and having a family of her own.
A logline is a *short* statement about the plot. That is, a character's struggle to acheive *specific*, *concrete* goal. This logline hints action having to do with fulfilling a promise -- but we haven't a clue what the promise is. We don't know what *specifically* is her objective goal. And not knoRead more
A logline is a *short* statement about the plot. That is, a character’s struggle to acheive *specific*, *concrete* goal. This logline hints action having to do with fulfilling a promise — but we haven’t a clue what the promise is. We don’t know what *specifically* is her objective goal. And not knowing what the goal is we don’t know whether it might be worth a producer’s time to read the script, worth a director’s time to make the movie, worth an audience’s time to watch it.
Be specific.
>>almost costs her her lifelong dream of getting married and having a family of her own.
This seems to give away the ending, something a logline should never do.
Finally, the logline is 52 words long. Ideally, a logline should come in under 25 words in length.
For loglines, less is more.
See lessWhen the black sleek sports car of a tall dark handsome accountant creates a sensation, he begins to find ways of taking the girl next door on a first date.
This logline is confusing. On first read, my first thought was, how can a sports car take out the girl next door on a date? Is the car like Knight Rider? However, after reading it a couple of times I realized it is the accountant who takes the girl next door out. Also, "...He begins to find ways ofRead more
This logline is confusing. On first read, my first thought was, how can a sports car take out the girl next door on a date? Is the car like Knight Rider?
However, after reading it a couple of times I realized it is the accountant who takes the girl next door out.
Also, “…He begins to find ways of taking out the girl next door on a first date.”
As a general rule, don’t use the word begins in a logline.
But mostly this line is a bit clunky.
Finally, I am not sure from your logline, whether the story is about the first date.
Or does the story end when she finally says yes?
There is a story here, but I would take another pass at the logline.
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“When his sleek black sports car creates a sensation, a tall dark handsome accountant takes the leap and finally asks the girl next door out on a date.”
When a single and aspiring journalist is denied access to the diaries of a missing professor, he embarks on a fateful journey, accompanied by his editor, to solve the mystery.
What are the stakes? What is to be gained by solving the mystery? What is to be lost by failing to solve the mystery? Why should a viewer be curious and care about the outcome of the 'fateful journey'?
What are the stakes? What is to be gained by solving the mystery? What is to be lost by failing to solve the mystery? Why should a viewer be curious and care about the outcome of the ‘fateful journey’?
See less