1. Posted: July 1, 2021In:

    A career driven wife unwittingly convinces her husband to join her in a tiny trailer cross country adventure, with the secret hopes of avoiding her disastrous financial missteps and saving their delicate marriage.

    Karel Segers Samurai

    First of all, get rid of some adjectives: unwittingly, secret, disastrous, delicate... This is just too much. Some don't make sense, either. Next, it seems like the story's main action is 'convincing'. Or is the story what happens AFTER this? If the film is about the cross country adventure (which IRead more

    First of all, get rid of some adjectives: unwittingly, secret, disastrous, delicate… This is just too much. Some don’t make sense, either.
    Next, it seems like the story’s main action is ‘convincing’. Or is the story what happens AFTER this?
    If the film is about the cross country adventure (which I hope it is), we need to get a better feel for what will be the main obstacle/conflict there, and what it is that they need to achieve. Perhaps they must work together as a team to survive the adventure, after something happens that raises the stakes to life-death level.

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  2. Posted: July 2, 2021In:

    When a stoner hospital worker is blamed for delivering a meal to the wrong patient—killing him; she must prove that it was not her mistake.

    Karel Segers Samurai

    In this type of story, typically there is a secondary goal of bringing the real culprit to justice. Because it's a movie, an accident is not really interesting. There may have been a plot behind the killing of this particular patient?

    In this type of story, typically there is a secondary goal of bringing the real culprit to justice. Because it’s a movie, an accident is not really interesting. There may have been a plot behind the killing of this particular patient?

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  3. Posted: June 4, 2021In:

    All prophets organize in Vedic woods when three missing children’s time travel with the legendary Buddha unfolds a tragic battlefield where the devil imprisoned God for ages. Buddha enters the battleground to liberate God, but evil surrenders even before the combat begin.

    Jay_Bird Penpusher

    This is a really interesting concept! But it's hard to follow who the main character is and what their goal is. Is it being told by the perspective of the prophets? The children? Buddha? God? Try deciding who the main protagonist is and write it from their perspective adding in what they are specifiRead more

    This is a really interesting concept! But it’s hard to follow who the main character is and what their goal is. Is it being told by the perspective of the prophets? The children? Buddha? God?

    Try deciding who the main protagonist is and write it from their perspective adding in what they are specifically trying to do.

    Example (if the children are the main characters)
    3 adventurous children are tasked with assisting the legendary Buddha in a time travelling mission to liberate God from the Devil’s imprisonment.

    I hope this is helpful and keep going with it! đŸ™‚

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