1. Posted: May 1, 2021In:

    Longtime crook and materialist Tony Argleton is recruited by an FBI funded group to risk his life retrieving a priceless, golden mcguffin stolen by the ruthless Nickle Revolver crime family, in order to avoid any lawful punishment and change his image.

    Odie Samurai

    Thanks for providing a synopsis, here are my thoughts: 1. For FBI recruiting believability think about elevating his criminal stature. 2. Since 24K gold bills have a reputation of being a novelty, I amped yours up to priceless. 3. Spotlight these “ruthless mobsters” to make your premise unique. ExamRead more

    Thanks for providing a synopsis, here are my thoughts:
    1. For FBI recruiting believability think about elevating his criminal stature.
    2. Since 24K gold bills have a reputation of being a novelty, I amped yours up to priceless.
    3. Spotlight these “ruthless mobsters” to make your premise unique.

    Example:
    “An incarcerated master thief is recruited by the FBI to recover a priceless golden dollar from the Five Family syndicate in exchange for his freedom.”

    I wish you the best in your endeavors and would love to see the feature, keep going!

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  2. Posted: May 1, 2021In:

    Tasked to infiltrate a country of male supremacy, Lilly must suppress her rebellious nature to seize stolen technology in order to earn her freedom; but what else must she sacrifice on her mission to freedom?

    Richiev Singularity

    This logline is written in kinda an oddly circular way. The leads goal is to earn her freedom But the reason her freedom is in danger is that she snuck into a country ruled by oppressive men. So if she hadn't snuck into the country in the first place, she wouldn't have to earn her freedom.

    This logline is written in kinda an oddly circular way.

    The leads goal is to earn her freedom
    But the reason her freedom is in danger is that she snuck into a country ruled by oppressive men.

    So if she hadn’t snuck into the country in the first place, she wouldn’t have to earn her freedom.

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  3. Posted: April 30, 2021In:

    An alcoholic man’s life has changed when he goes into recovery when he becomes a teacher at a school he graduated from.

    Odie Samurai

    Leaning towards: “A recovering alcoholic turns to a life redeemed when he becomes a teacher at his alma mater.” Take care.

    Leaning towards:
    “A recovering alcoholic turns to a life redeemed when he becomes a teacher at his alma mater.”

    Take care.

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