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Three characters, three life stories, integrate as a schizophrenic detective puts together puzzle-pieces in a quest to imprison a split-serial killer posing as Hollywood’s Messiah. — WHOLE
"A schizophrenic detective puts together puzzle-pieces in a quest to discover a split-serial killer posing as Hollywood's Messiah."
“A schizophrenic detective puts together puzzle-pieces in a quest to discover a split-serial killer posing as Hollywood’s Messiah.”
See lessIn the year 3000 from the hell-break a homeless ex-soldier is dragged unwittingly in ancient war, when is hired by group of strange creatures in search for their homeland. With the help of an ancient artefact he fights recently awaken powerful enemy in bid to deliver his clients to safety and restore the age of prosperity.
It sounds exciting, but I am a little lost. First you need to correct the grammar a bit .... "in the year 300o from the hell-break" ... why "from" .. what is the hell-break? If this is a new concept you are introducing maybe you could put "150 years on from The Hell-Break" ... but I am still not conRead more
It sounds exciting, but I am a little lost.
First you need to correct the grammar a bit …. “in the year 300o from the hell-break” … why “from” .. what is the hell-break? If this is a new concept you are introducing maybe you could put
“150 years on from The Hell-Break” … but I am still not convinced. Sounds like a sequel and I am worried I have missed something…..
“dragged unwittingly inTO an ancient war” …
“when is hired” is not good English.
“recently awaken powerful enemy” also is not good English….
Just to correct what you have put … before we can look at if the logline works:
See lessIn the year 3000, after the Hell-Break, a homeless ex-soldier is dragged unwittingly into an ancient war by a group of strange creatures in search for their homeland. With the help of an ancient artefact he fights a recently awakened powerful enemy in a bid to deliver his clients to safety and restore the age of prosperity.
A romancing recluse yachtsman and cameo actress discover one another career tramps team up to fleece the jet set but recluses ex returns to rekindle love with revenge as a IRS sting – SuperTramps
1. What does 'romancing' mean in this context? 2. What does 'discover one another' mean in this context? - more detail needed. 3. I think some punctuation and grammatical correction may be needed here to clarify your meaning and intentions. 4. What is a "Career Tramp"? Is that a grifter? 5. What isRead more
1. What does ‘romancing’ mean in this context?
2. What does ‘discover one another’ mean in this context? – more detail needed.
3. I think some punctuation and grammatical correction may be needed here to clarify your meaning and intentions.
4. What is a “Career Tramp”? Is that a grifter?
5. What is a “jet set” in this context?
6. Perhaps you should give the Yachtsman more detail than being a recluse… after all… once the adventure starts, he’s not particularly reclusive any more, is he? 🙂
7. What has the Yachtsman’s ex got to do with the IRS sting, and why does she want revenge?
8. What is the problem that needs solving and how do they solve it.
9. What is the change/personal challenge that the main character/s need to overcome?
10. Perhaps more detail about the actress’ character? A defining character attribute or flaw?
good luck!
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