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When the husband of a decent climate scientist gets mysteriously killed, she seeks out her old-time friend, a rough GMO-farmer, to find emotional support and to investigate why the aging process of living organisms has stopped across the globe.
Interesting premise. 1. The inciting incident is a death conspiracy – was looking for a living organism no longer aging to start the quest. 2. What qualifies a climate scientist and GMO-farmer also living organisms, to discover the key to the aging process? 3. What happens when they discover it – miRead more
Interesting premise.
1. The inciting incident is a death conspiracy – was looking for a living organism no longer aging to start the quest.
2. What qualifies a climate scientist and GMO-farmer also living organisms, to discover the key to the aging process?
3. What happens when they discover it – missing that.
Keep going, take care.
See lessWhen the leader of the Assassination Cartel’s grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the semi-retired leader invokes an ancient vengeance that will wipe out the president’s seed from the earth
It is always best to write the logline from the perspective of the lead character... When his grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the leader of the Assassination Cartel... (They tell us what his plan is)
It is always best to write the logline from the perspective of the lead character…
When his grandson is killed during a raid authorized by the American President, the leader of the Assassination Cartel… (They tell us what his plan is)
See lessAfter his wealthy wife dies, a reclusive and callous high school teacher wants to honour her dream of becoming a concert pianist.
The story has a decent EVENT ('the death of his wife'), and we understand that this can motivate change in a character's life, as well as inspire them to act. The character is interesting, in that he is reclusive and callous (mind the capitalisation error). However, 'decides' is not an exciting actiRead more
The story has a decent EVENT (‘the death of his wife’), and we understand that this can motivate change in a character’s life, as well as inspire them to act.
The character is interesting, in that he is reclusive and callous (mind the capitalisation error).
However, ‘decides’ is not an exciting action for a screen story. We need to be able to visualise the action from the logline.
‘To become a concert pianist’ doesn’t excite me either. This does not promise a movie that is worth watching.
You may have the beginning and the end to a story, but the middle is what you need to entertain an audience with. There needs to be struggle, determination, and incredible odds. We need to be able to anticipate tension, and be compelled to take the POV of the character.
At this point, the logline is not inspiring this (yet).
See less