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A detective fiction writer becomes convinced her lover’s death wasn’t a suicide and must prove his brilliant wife is a killer before becoming the next victim.
This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be a less confusing way to write that. I also think there might be a better descriRead more
This is confusing because it sounds like the protagonist has two professions, a detective and a fiction writer. It took me a while to figure out you probably mean a writer of fiction in the detective genre. There must be a less confusing way to write that.
See lessI also think there might be a better descriptor for the wife than brilliant which to me sounds like talented.
Other than that, I like it.
Convinced by prominent comedians that marriage will make him funnier, a struggling comic takes their joke seriously and elopes only to find his bride wants a marriage so peaceful that in order to find the comedy in it, he’ll have to up his game.
Cool, the fun for me was in the naive journey to be funnier. Went with that, make this yours. You could up the ante by having him believe he has to marry a rival comedian for the magic to work ;) "When being told marriage will make him funnier, a naive comedian has 90 days to find a bride before theRead more
Cool, the fun for me was in the naive journey to be funnier.
Went with that, make this yours. You could up the ante by having him believe he has to marry a rival comedian for the magic to work 😉
“When being told marriage will make him funnier, a naive comedian has 90 days to find a bride before the San Francisco Comedy Competition”
Take care.
See lessA driven mum must rise above her own insecurities to prove her inter-racially adopted daughter loves her.
Is the idea that the mother is insecure and goes about planning ways to try and make the daughter do things or say things that provide that proof? If so, I worry that she'll be a difficult protagonist to get behind because I see her as being incredibly manipulative. That might not be the case, merelRead more
Is the idea that the mother is insecure and goes about planning ways to try and make the daughter do things or say things that provide that proof? If so, I worry that she’ll be a difficult protagonist to get behind because I see her as being incredibly manipulative. That might not be the case, merely my interpretation, but I’d be conscious of it. Also, in order to achieve her objective goal (proof that her daughter loves her) she is not rising above her insecurities – she’s playing right to them. The only way to rise above these insecurities is to stop looking for proof.
In terms of the logline, there’s nothing here that makes me think telling us her daughter is interracial is relevant. I always think a logline shouldn’t describe characters in a way that is unrelated to the rest of the story. If you describe a character as black, I’ll think there’s a race issue and I expect some thematic elements linking through the logline. If you describe her as a woman, I’ll think there’s something specifically and thematically relating to gender in the story. You’ve described her as a “mum” and actually, we can infer that information by the word daughter. Is there another word that gives us more character info specifically related to the plot or the theme? I would tempted to describe her as an “emotionally insecure XXXX” with the XXXX being her profession – and the profession is something like an executive – it suggests that drive. Now we have a character who is clearly smart, professionally confident and used to being in control, but emotionally insecure. She thinks she can use her “professional brain” to fix the problem.
This leads me to the goal. I think it should be something more objective and more visual. It’s almost an internal goal, that proof is felt, and whilst it can be seen on screen, a lot of it is happening inside the character’s heads.
“An emotionally insecure Executive struggles to bond with her newly adopted teenage daughter as they tackle a five-day road-trip to see the girl’s favourite band.”
Hope this helps in some way.
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