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A jock, a hopeless romantic, and a cynic discover they each have supernatural powers beyond their imagination – and that they all love the same girl.
But does she love any one of them? Ultimately, isn't it her choice as to who she permanently hooks up with? Whoever has to make the pivotal decision that determines the outcome owns the story, hence should own the logline. So I suggest reframing the logline around her as the central/pivotal characteRead more
But does she love any one of them? Ultimately, isn’t it her choice as to who she permanently hooks up with?
Whoever has to make the pivotal decision that determines the outcome owns the story, hence should own the logline. So I suggest reframing the logline around her as the central/pivotal character. She faces a dilemma of having to choose between 3 equally cool, equally desirable fab-boys? Which one will *she* finally choose. No one boy has the total package.
Also, it’s stronger if the logline says that the boys have *unique* superpowers. Characters need defining characteristics that differentiate. (However, because in loglines it’s about less being more, there’s no space to specify what they are. That will have to be spelled out in the pitch, developed in the script.)
And since they have super powers, what is their super job? When they aren’t fighting against each other over her, what are they fighting for in unison? All super dudes have to have a super job, a super heroic quest/struggle they have to fulfill? It’s in the job description.
fwiw
See lessFood is scarce, tragedies are many but the fight against human extinction becomes an arduous mission for mans earliest pioneers.
Who is the lead character? What do they want? What is standing in their way?
Who is the lead character?
See lessWhat do they want?
What is standing in their way?
A young latina with basic english and a desire to experience independece must keep her horrible job in a American Resort and generate extra income to keep her word to return the huge invesment of trip to her parents when the season is low.
After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has tRead more
After reading the Logline it’s not completely clear. it’s missing conflict, antagonist force and the protagonist goal. Ask yourself this. What is the one thing that will drastically change the protagonist life? What is stopping her? The ultimate goal? It has to be more than day to day life. It has to grab the reader and the audience attention. It’s a comedy so this is great time to get creative. I mean does she have to stay at her horrible job? Is there a love interest that is keeping her there, or maybe planning revenge on the management. Keep thinking about the possibilities.
See lessKeep it up.