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  1. Posted: August 28, 2020In: Crime

    After their father was murdered, a gambler and his sister team up to take down a drug lord in their own hands in order for them to pay for their mother’s cancer treatment.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 29, 2020 at 5:18 am

    It's obvious they would want to take down the drug lord for revenge. But it's not obvious *how* they would profit from it, *how* they would get the money to pay for their mom's treatment. How exactly, do they plan to get the needed money? What does "take him down" entail? A heist of his loot? A conRead more

    It’s obvious they would want to take down the drug lord for revenge. But it’s not obvious *how* they would profit from it, *how* they would get the money to pay for their mom’s treatment.

    How exactly, do they plan to get the needed money? What does “take him down” entail? A heist of his loot? A con job? Or…?

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  2. Posted: August 28, 2020In: Coming of Age

    When his dad threatens to cut him off financially, a bad boy rich kid must graduate his senior year at a strict prep school, only to fall for the principal’s daughter.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on August 29, 2020 at 2:51 am

    You've done several iterations of the core premise. What is the story hook embedded in all of them? More specifically, what hooks your interest? Why do you want to write a script based upon this premise? Why *must* you write a script based upon this premise?

    You’ve done several iterations of the core premise. What is the story hook embedded in all of them?

    More specifically, what hooks your interest? Why do you want to write a script based upon this premise? Why *must* you write a script based upon this premise?

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  3. Posted: August 26, 2020In: Action

    After facing corruption in the porn industry, a film director and an aging actress teams up and kills those who is about to release their sex tape.

    Mike Pedley Singularity
    Added an answer on August 27, 2020 at 6:00 pm

    They work in the porn industry, what's so devastating about their sex tape being released? Isn't killing them a bit of an extreme reaction to it? For that to make sense we need to understand the consequences of the tape being released. What's at stake? "After facing corruption in the porn industry"Read more

    They work in the porn industry, what’s so devastating about their sex tape being released? Isn’t killing them a bit of an extreme reaction to it? For that to make sense we need to understand the consequences of the tape being released. What’s at stake?

    “After facing corruption in the porn industry” – what does this mean? Specifically, what is happening on screen. The inciting incident isn’t a general thing, it’s a highly specific moment in time that sets up the goal for the protagonist.

    Action film? Really? I don’t see anything in this logline that suggests Action. Two people conspiring to kill people covertly so as not to get caught… sounds like a Thriller to me. You have to understand the genre and its conventions and use them to make your logline work. The genre should be present in your logline.

    Hope this helps.

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