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Right before Christmas, a successful young Hollywood agent is fired from his job. Shame filled and arrogant, he is forced to spend the holiday with his family in New York City where he meets Melissa, a kind and beautiful young woman who unexpectedly pulls him out of his funk, helps him move on from his old job, and becomes the greatest Christmas miracle of the season.
When "an arrogantly successful young Hollywood agent" -> "is fired from his job" -> he must -> "spend Christmas holiday with his family in New York City" Cause = job loss || Effect = move back home Deductive logic: This Hollywood agent can't have been that successful, if he has to move backRead more
When “an arrogantly successful young Hollywood agent” ->
“is fired from his job” -> he must
-> “spend Christmas holiday with his family in New York City”
Cause = job loss || Effect = move back home
Deductive logic: This Hollywood agent can’t have been that successful, if he has to move back home.
However, When “an arrogant young Hollywood agent” ->
“is fired from his job” -> he must … gives explanation for job loss and a much clearer character arc of:
arrogant young man <> character of Humility
The antagonist of this story is “a kind and beautiful young woman” (loglines conventionally replace names with character description – sorry Melissa!). However, how does this seductive princess lure our stated hero out of such funk?
Story is the stated actions of character. Clarity of description of action would improve this logline.
See less17 year old twin, Deighton Young needs to negotiate his last year of school while grieving for his recently drowned brother. Dropping out of school due to grief he is forced by his father to work for white collar criminal Harry Mackay, in doing so he uncovers unethical business practice leading back to resolving a multi-generational mystery surrounding the disappearance of Lani Drum 40 years earlier.
It seems a little too wordy. You could change it to something like: 17-year-old, Deighton Young drops out of school and forced to work for white-collar criminal Harry Mackay. He uncovers sketchy things related to the Lani Drum disappearance and the multi-generation mystery surrounding it. That's notRead more
It seems a little too wordy.
You could change it to something like:
17-year-old, Deighton Young drops out of school and forced to work for white-collar criminal Harry Mackay. He uncovers sketchy things related to the Lani Drum disappearance and the multi-generation mystery surrounding it.
That’s not the best, but it gets the point across quicker, more concise, and leaves the audience hooked.
See lessWhen a veteran and a rookie contract killer takes a shortcut, it results in killing the wrong guy for a mafia kingpin. They race against time as they try to replace the intended target with another body before ending up next on the hit-list: A real killer story.
The intended target is still alive. So how will replacing the body of wrong victim with the body of another wrong victim change the situation? How will that fool the mafia kingpin? And who is the protagonist, the pov character, the veteran or the rookie?
The intended target is still alive. So how will replacing the body of wrong victim with the body of another wrong victim change the situation? How will that fool the mafia kingpin?
And who is the protagonist, the pov character, the veteran or the rookie?
See less