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Children taken away from their families and off the street are experimented on to become weapons in a unseen war. Only one, a young girl, survives and becomes a force to be reckoned with.
You are missing an important element, the lead character's goalTry re-writing this logline from the lead character's point of view"When she is kidnapped by a secret organization, a local street-girl turned assassin must.." (Then add her goal)
You are missing an important element, the lead character’s goal
Try re-writing this logline from the lead character’s point of view
“When she is kidnapped by a secret organization, a local street-girl turned assassin must..” (Then add her goal)
See lessA duty bound son must become the next guardian of a dangerous power.
If you say 'must', you should give us the 'or else'
If you say ‘must’, you should give us the ‘or else’
See lessA selfish party-animal on a fast track to nowhere decides to volunteer at the children?s hospital to win back his ex-girlfriend. But when the children in his care turn into flesh-eating demons, he dives in the thick of an invasion to save her, joining a group of proper do-gooders as they search for survivors. ? 1st version A newly reformed party animal sets out to rescue his ex-girlfriend when demons invade his small town.
Is he an ex party animal? This is basically 'Shaun of the Dead' but with demons instead of zombies. What are the demons after? What's their MO? I think that's really important to understanding this plot because that could give us a clue to the challenges he's facing and why. It doesn't sound too comRead more
Is he an ex party animal?
This is basically ‘Shaun of the Dead’ but with demons instead of zombies. What are the demons after? What’s their MO? I think that’s really important to understanding this plot because that could give us a clue to the challenges he’s facing and why. It doesn’t sound too complicated at the moment so I think a little more detail is needed to make the reader understand how it’s going to fill a 90min+ runtime.
What’s this guy’s arc? Sounds like he’s already arced before the opening credits so where does he go next?
Why this guy? Why do we want him to succeed?
Hope this helps. Interested to see where this goes.
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