1. Posted: May 21, 2020In:

    An insecure wheelchair-bound college girl spends the weekend at a cottage with friends where they are attacked by zombies. They don’t know why until she discovers that the zombies were all murder victims of her friends – and she was next.

    Michael Fine Logliner

    I agree about the active goal, but the main point of the movie is a disabled girl overcoming her physical disability and emotional insecurity to save her friends (and ultimately herself!) The zombies ending up as the "good guys" is collateral benefit.

    I agree about the active goal, but the main point of the movie is a disabled girl overcoming her physical disability and emotional insecurity to save her friends (and ultimately herself!) The zombies ending up as the “good guys” is collateral benefit.

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  2. Posted: May 19, 2020In:

    250 years after an asteroid impact leaves one side of Earth continually facing the sun, a lone outsider tries to find a new home in an increasingly more hostile world with the help of a physical manifestation of his soul.

    Odie Samurai

    Sounds intriguing dandahlson, When I first read the logline, I read into it ?a lone outsider tries to find a new world? ? because I couldn?t wrap my head around this asteroid stopping the rotation/axis of the earth so that only a single side faces the sun? Please elaborate. "a lone outsider" is hardRead more

    Sounds intriguing dandahlson,

    • When I first read the logline, I read into it ?a lone outsider tries to find a new world? ? because I couldn?t wrap my head around this asteroid stopping the rotation/axis of the earth so that only a single side faces the sun? Please elaborate.
    • “a lone outsider” is hard to picture, I get since the asteroid there are fewer folks, but I believe this protag description can be strengthened. Why is he an outsider?
    • Add more intent by replacing ?tries to find? with: must, is forced, etc.
    • Why is the world more hostile? Is it now a post-apocalyptic setting? Are earth’s creatures/people feral?
    • I see this physical manifestation (soul) as him talking to himself as he journeys, is that right?
    • Finally, what happens if he does not find a new home in time or loses is his soul?

    Take care.

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  3. Posted: May 12, 2020In:

    Post suicide attempt, an intensely self-analytical young woman stumbles through the reality of living when she expected to be dead, whilst wryly reflecting on how her time in a military academy led her there.

    Odie Samurai

    It sounds interesting mlenyesoe, but a couple of questions please: Did she attempt suicide while she was in the academy? Her being in a war is not in your logline, so it sounds like the academy broke her? What would we watch for the majority of your script? This is what I can ?see? so far: ACT 1: ShRead more

    It sounds interesting mlenyesoe, but a couple of questions please:

    • Did she attempt suicide while she was in the academy? Her being in a war is not in your logline, so it sounds like the academy broke her?
    • What would we watch for the majority of your script?
      This is what I can ?see? so far:
      ACT 1: She is in trouble > She attempts suicide > She contemplates about what led her to that point.
      ACT II: What?s next? As you can see ?stumbles through the reality of living? is vague.
    • What is her goal? To get help for PTSD and have a family? To get revenge for the academy’s wrongdoing?
    • What is her opposition or conflict? Her disease? A drill Sargent?
    • What are the stakes in your story? What happens if she doesn?t get help does she kill or finally kill herself?

    Hope this helps.

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