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  1. Posted: April 8, 2020In: Comedy

    A very old and dying president, A secret services chief and the commander chief of the military of a dictatorship gathered in secrecy to discuss the future of the country and the matters of power succesion. They will come to realize that schemes and plots are at play and they don’t share the same vision of how a governement should be

    Trix Samurai
    Added an answer on April 8, 2020 at 7:30 pm

    Hi AO31, It reads like you're still working through an idea here... there is a potential clash of objectives but as Richiev has asked, who are we following? ?Why? ?What for? ?It's hard to comment on it as it stands as we can guess there's conflict in the meeting, but that's about it. ?My thoughts arRead more

    Hi AO31,

    It reads like you’re still working through an idea here… there is a potential clash of objectives but as Richiev has asked, who are we following? ?Why? ?What for? ?It’s hard to comment on it as it stands as we can guess there’s conflict in the meeting, but that’s about it. ?My thoughts are:

    • ‘A dying president’ – drop the ‘very old’…
    • It reads as though they are all in a dictatorship? ?If so, wouldn’t the president simply ‘dictate’ what will happen, end of story?
    • Choose who we are following – who has the most to lose/gain? ?Who would change the most by the end of the story?
    • Give us what they are worried about/what they find out using the meeting – what are the plots and schemes? ?Better still, maybe pick one? ?Is there a specific person scheming against them that could be your antagonist? ?Or are they going to fight each other?

    In all time, but especially times like these, there will be a massive appetite for seeing behind the curtains of dictatorships around the world. ?I think you are looking at a really interesting area – we just need to know why. ?Giving us the outline of your story will help people comment further.

    Regards
    Trix

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  2. Posted: April 6, 2020In: Horror

    After killing its progeny as part of an initiation hunting family ritual, a man and his teenage son must protect themselves from a horrid beast that hunts in the dark and feeds upon human skin.

    guswakey Logliner
    Added an answer on April 8, 2020 at 8:06 am

    With regards to the beast hunting only at night- are the father and son stuck somewhere they can't easily get away from, or can the night time have more of a significance? I'm thinking of Quiet Place, Birdbox and It Comes at Night as examples of stories where the enemy attacks happen at a certain tiRead more

    With regards to the beast hunting only at night- are the father and son stuck somewhere they can’t easily get away from, or can the night time have more of a significance? I’m thinking of Quiet Place, Birdbox and It Comes at Night as examples of stories where the enemy attacks happen at a certain time or for a certain reason and the characters have to work around that in order to survive.

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  3. Posted: April 2, 2020In: Drama

    After a childhood of abuse, a young woman decides to write a memoir to help her heal.

    guswakey Logliner
    Added an answer on April 8, 2020 at 7:13 am

    In order to raise stakes and obstacles, I'll tell you where my mind went straight away with this one. Perhaps the main character is older, and is starting to get dementia. She has carried this burden with her all her life. After years of denial and shame, she finally finds the strength to write thisRead more

    In order to raise stakes and obstacles, I’ll tell you where my mind went straight away with this one.

    Perhaps the main character is older, and is starting to get dementia. She has carried this burden with her all her life. After years of denial and shame, she finally finds the strength to write this memoir in order to get the abuser persecuted, knowing that the longer she leaves it, the less she will remember.

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