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A frightened young boy is confronted by a Nun to fight. Overwhelmed by her rough-house boxing lessons, he is forced to find his fighting spirit from within that he will carry for life.
What does finding his fighting spirit within look like? And is the "that he will carry for life" part necessary?
What does finding his fighting spirit within look like? And is the “that he will carry for life” part necessary?
See lessA drunken night leaves a young man to decipher his feelings for his best friend before their time together runs out.
Most loglines hint at what the inciting incident is and who the enemy is, but this doesn't seem to have that. Unless time is their enemy, but I'm wondering why their time together is running out? Is the best friend going away? Dying? I think that would help. Is there a better descriptor besides younRead more
Most loglines hint at what the inciting incident is and who the enemy is, but this doesn’t seem to have that. Unless time is their enemy, but I’m wondering why their time together is running out? Is the best friend going away? Dying? I think that would help.
See lessIs there a better descriptor besides young man? And for that matter best friend? Is there a sense of irony? Is he wild and she’s tame or vice versa?
It sounds like a fun romance, but besides working out their feelings, is there something else they do on this night? Are they going to White Castle? Kidding, but really, it would help to hint what makes this different from other “it happened one night” stories. And you have room for more detail as this is a very sparse logline.
I hope my comments help.
When a car breaks down in the middle of the outback, a paranoid snitch finds himself trapped with his fellow thieves, and he must investigate them to survive.
Hmm. It's kind of not clear enough for me. It sounds very tense and like a good contained thriller. But why does he have to investigate them to survive? I'm wondering if informant or undercover informant is what he really is? If he's a snitch, did he already snitch or is he planning to snitch? I likRead more
Hmm. It’s kind of not clear enough for me. It sounds very tense and like a good contained thriller. But why does he have to investigate them to survive? I’m wondering if informant or undercover informant is what he really is? If he’s a snitch, did he already snitch or is he planning to snitch? I like it, it just leaves me a little confused and wanting a bit more information.
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