1. Posted: March 23, 2017In:

    BLOODLUST The dormant past life as an 8th Century Norse Berserker is sparked in a modern day peace loving Hindu man after he witnesses his loved ones murdered in a robbery. Now he must fight to control the growing bloodlust before it destroys him.

    OlDustyDogg Logliner

    Interesting. I like the contrasts of past lifes. Im wondering if the berzerker must have atoned for his violence in order to be reincarnated as a Hindu. I also wonder How is the bloodlust destroying him. Does he want to kill random people? Is he on a quest for vengeance and taking the violence too fRead more

    Interesting. I like the contrasts of past lifes. Im wondering if the berzerker must have atoned for his violence in order to be reincarnated as a Hindu.
    I also wonder How is the bloodlust destroying him. Does he want to kill random people? Is he on a quest for vengeance and taking the violence too far? Who is judging him? Is he risking the Vikings identity taking over completely? What are the stakes? Lots of questions. I’m new to this so maybe my advice isn’t that great but my main take is that ‘bloodlust threatens to destroy him is a bit vague.

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  2. Posted: March 11, 2020In:

    A military veteran eagerly tries to start the next chapter of his life but runs into Murphy’s Law at pretty much every turn, testing his resiliency.

    deborah_b Logliner

    Your version 2.0 is way clearer and is definitely giving me a better vision of your story. The last clause (about the deceptive roommate) feels like it's a different beat to the rest, somehow. Maybe because a specific antagonist is included here, whereas the other challenges are less specific? So maRead more

    Your version 2.0 is way clearer and is definitely giving me a better vision of your story.

    The last clause (about the deceptive roommate) feels like it’s a different beat to the rest, somehow. Maybe because a specific antagonist is included here, whereas the other challenges are less specific?

    So maybe, as a suggestion, you can drill down to your protag’s goal and then expand out from there:

    A Vietnam vet fights to get his life in order while dealing with a corrupt welfare system and the deceptions of former friends.

    Mine example’s a bit lame, but hopefully you can see what I mean. With some brainstorming around what’s most prominent in your story for you, you’ll definitely get this thing in shape.

    Thanks for sharing your updates — love watching people brainstorm and re-work their concepts. Kudos.

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  3. Posted: February 6, 2020In:

    When his big brother goes missing in the wilderness, an anxious high-school senior heads into the wild to find him? accompanied by his brother?s ghost

    kpetrakis01 Logliner

    We could just remove the details of the ghost.   When his brother is goes missing in the wild, an over anxious high schooler teams up with a ghost to find him before it's too late.

    We could just remove the details of the ghost.

     

    When his brother is goes missing in the wild, an over anxious high schooler teams up with a ghost to find him before it’s too late.

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