1. Posted: April 2, 2023In:

    Two blood testy women killer brothers, must face each other when One fall inlove with a woman

    Richiev Singularity

    You might try to re-write the logline using different words. It took me about 5 tries to unravel your sentence. That is not a criticism of the premise, it's just that the logline is a bit hard to read. And that is what re-writing is for. Keep working on this, and good luck.

    You might try to re-write the logline using different words. It took me about 5 tries to unravel your sentence. That is not a criticism of the premise, it’s just that the logline is a bit hard to read. And that is what re-writing is for. Keep working on this, and good luck.

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  2. Posted: April 5, 2023In:

    A guilt ridden hacker sets about repaying the damage he caused with his hacking.

    Lexington101 Penpusher

    What is the result of his action (repaying the damage he caused) ? Does: this set into motion a series of events that are beyond his control, he realizes his true purpose in life, discovers his long lost son... What happens?

    What is the result of his action (repaying the damage he caused) ? Does: this set into motion a series of events that are beyond his control, he realizes his true purpose in life, discovers his long lost son… What happens?

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  3. Posted: March 23, 2023In:

    After a shadow figure haunts his son, an impulsive man embarks on a journey to his childhood home to reconnect with his violent father and avoid passing on generational trauma.

    Lexington101 Penpusher

    This is good, but what I would like to see cleared up is the ' shadow figure haunts his son' how does this fit into the rest of the story? Does it come back that the father knows who this figure is? Does this figure remind him of the past? At the moment I don't see how it ties into the big picture.

    This is good, but what I would like to see cleared up is the ‘ shadow figure haunts his son’ how does this fit into the rest of the story? Does it come back that the father knows who this figure is? Does this figure remind him of the past? At the moment I don’t see how it ties into the big picture.

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