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  1. Posted: November 8, 2019In: SciFi

    When sinister agents abduct him and his mother, an exceptionally gifted but socially isolated Indian teen discovers that he was genetically engineered for a dark purpose and must choose to either embrace that purpose or fight back on behalf of humanity.

    thedarkhorse Samurai
    Added an answer on November 8, 2019 at 7:39 pm

    If you had to carve this down, it would be... When his mother is abducted by sinister agents, a teenage loner must fight back on behalf of humanity. - So we're missing some stakes/what happens if he doesn't fight back. Those guys above are right. I think you need to write down a few pages on your thRead more

    If you had to carve this down, it would be…

    When his mother is abducted by sinister agents, a teenage loner must fight back on behalf of humanity.

    – So we’re missing some stakes/what happens if he doesn’t fight back.

    Those guys above are right. I think you need to write down a few pages on your thing, what it’s about, what will or could happen. It will give you a better understanding of what’s going on.

    After that the logline will be a lot more precise and specific. You’ll be able to carve it down – and then it will look really fucking good.

    Good luck.

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  2. Posted: April 28, 2019In: Drama

    A paranoid, schizophrenic man who loves all women does everything in his power to please a dozen quirky and unique females, who may only be in a romantic relationship with him through his skewed perspective.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on November 8, 2019 at 4:16 pm

    I'm not sure what the story is, as the plot is unclear. What is the inciting event? What is his primary action? And most importantly, what is his specific goal?

    I’m not sure what the story is, as the plot is unclear.

    What is the inciting event? What is his primary action? And most importantly, what is his specific goal?

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  3. Posted: November 7, 2019In: Thriller

    Two sworn enemies become trapped in an isolated house, fighting off violent locals, after one of them is accused of a hit and run.

    kkh Logliner
    Added an answer on November 8, 2019 at 11:29 am

    Hi darkhorse, The logline makes me want to ask questions. Why are they sworn enemies? Why, if only one of them is accused, are they both fighting off the locals?

    Hi darkhorse,
    The logline makes me want to ask questions. Why are they sworn enemies? Why, if only one of them is accused, are they both fighting off the locals?

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