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  1. Posted: October 31, 2019In: SciFi

    A mysterious Dark Planet, a troubled Test Pilot lost at the far side of the Galaxy overcoming the vast obstacles to find his way home to his beloved daughter and wife.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on October 31, 2019 at 9:00 am

    Good point DPG. Once the stakes are made clear, the subsequent conflict will form a hook. Also, wouldn't it be an astronaut that gets stranded on a planet? A test pilot implies that he flew a jet within Earth's atmosphere, but being an astronaut means he flew to outer space. Lastly, wording and struRead more

    Good point DPG. Once the stakes are made clear, the subsequent conflict will form a hook.

    Also, wouldn’t it be an astronaut that gets stranded on a planet? A test pilot implies that he flew a jet within Earth’s atmosphere, but being an astronaut means he flew to outer space.

    Lastly, wording and structure are very important in a logline. In this case, the first and second clauses are not connected. Perhaps change it around so his being stranded on the planet is clearly the inciting event. For example: After being stranded on a dark planet, a troubled astronaut must…

     

     

     

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  2. Posted: October 30, 2019In: Coming of Age, Examples

    Inspired by true events, in 1973 a precocious 15-year old boy gets a writing gig from Rolling Stone magazine that sends him on a wild cross-country bus Odyssey with a struggling rock band.

    Neer Shelter Singularity
    Added an answer on October 31, 2019 at 8:53 am

    Great film and good choice. Could also be interesting to prioritise the love interest as the 'A' plot: After landing a writing assignment, a 15 year old aspiring writer falls in love with a roady following the band he was tasked to cover and must woo her away from the clutches of the lead singer.

    Great film and good choice. Could also be interesting to prioritise the love interest as the ‘A’ plot:

    After landing a writing assignment, a 15 year old aspiring writer falls in love with a roady following the band he was tasked to cover and must woo her away from the clutches of the lead singer.

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  3. Posted: October 28, 2019In: Comedy

    When Mads is released from prison, his greatest desire is to come out and be a father to his 10-year-old daughter, whom he has not seen for 3 years, but when he finds out she is deadly ill and the mother forbids him to see her , he dresses up like a hospital clown to have an opportunity to be something for his daughter before she dies.

    dpg Singularity
    Added an answer on October 30, 2019 at 6:19 am

    So an ex-con can show up in cognito in a clown costume and not have to be vetted by a standard security background check before he can have regular access to amuse sick kids?And a story about parents feuding over a kid whose doomed to die is a comedy?

    So an ex-con can show up in cognito in a clown costume and not have to be vetted by a standard security background check before he can have regular access to amuse sick kids?

    And a story about parents feuding over a kid whose doomed to die is a comedy?

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