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When a Commander of the largest military force in the universe, telepathically thwarts an assassination attempt by an obstinately powerful female warrior. He tricks her into facing and ultimately destroying her evil mirror double. A double that’s the source of her own power.
That whole telepathic stuff sounds great for how the commander defeats the assassin warrior, but it doesn't belong in the logline.? It's written more like a synopsis, where you just say how the hero wins the day... the end.? What you want to do is explain the situation, and what the hero must figureRead more
That whole telepathic stuff sounds great for how the commander defeats the assassin warrior, but it doesn’t belong in the logline.? It’s written more like a synopsis, where you just say how the hero wins the day… the end.? What you want to do is explain the situation, and what the hero must figure out how to do.
After an attempted assassination of the Commander of the largest military force in the universe, he finds himself pitted against an obstinately powerful warrior and must find a way to defeat her.
Maybe that?
See lessWhen a self-made CEO develops a romantic connection with an ageing musician she must confront the loss of her company and her own mortality to rediscover love that transcends all.
On the plus side, the main character is female and there are not enough of them in scripts.? And the main character is also a woman of a certain age other than an adolescent or a young adult. And they're are not enough scripts about them either.In a romance, there needs to be a seemingly insurmountaRead more
On the plus side, the main character is female and there are not enough of them in scripts.? And the main character is also a woman of a certain age other than an adolescent or a young adult. And they’re are not enough scripts about them either.
In a romance, there needs to be a seemingly insurmountable obstacle (as in “Romeo & Juliet”)? and/or a seemingly intractable wedge issue? (as in “Tender Mercies”) that threatens to sabotage the relationship.? Or love happens unintentionally while two people with seemingly incompatible personalities, clashing temperaments and agendas are forced to work together to solve a common problem (as in “One Fine Day”).
And I don’t see any of those dramatic configurations here.?? Well, almost none.? There is a hint of a compatibility issue in the sense that she has lived life in a frantic pursuit of material success, the bottom line, and he has live life in pursuit of artistic expression.? Perhaps he has taken time to stop and smell the flowers (or at least sing about them) and she hasn’t.? If that is the case, it needs to be highlighted.? Initially the disparity of their backgrounds and professional goals should be a source of conflict not romance.
Whatever.. It seems to me the logline needs to suggest a source of conflict, of ongoing dramatic tension between the two characters, not just between characters and their careers or whatever else they are dealing with in their lives.
Finally, the logline kind of gives away the ending? “rediscover the love that transcends all”.? That is something a logline should never do.? The outcome, particularly a happy-ever-after ending, should be in doubt.? The initial odds should be overwhelmingly not in favor of romantic success.
See lessBillions of refugees seek shelter from deadly weather events, antibiotics have lost their potency, nations wage wars over land and water, and activists not opposed to violence towards humans try to save animals from extinction.
Surely the best person to fly this thing is not a race car driver but an astronaut... trained in this kinda thing. When the space programme started, they didn't choose people who were just used to travelling at speed. They chose people who were intelligent and exceptional pilots... key word is pilotRead more
Surely the best person to fly this thing is not a race car driver but an astronaut… trained in this kinda thing. When the space programme started, they didn’t choose people who were just used to travelling at speed. They chose people who were intelligent and exceptional pilots… key word is pilots. Just because the driver is used to going fast doesn’t mean he can fly, so why would anyone think he was a better choice than the leading astronaut at that time? Someone who can fly and is also used to speed and has had psychological training to deal with such a situation. A race car driver just makes no sense to me at all.
You’re telling us they must induce a second ice-age… but why? To what end. That’s the goal. Why does a second ice age need to be induced bearing in mind that most plants and animals on earth will die?!
I stand by my previous thoughts on light speed travel. If light speed is possible, then everything changes. Everything is possible at that point unless you’re adding to what we currently know about light speed travel. If that’s the case, we NEED that information to understand how this could work.
I think the idea that we will all be destroyed by Mother Nature is a good inciting incident BUT what your characters seem to do about it makes very little sense right now. There needs to be something that grounds it in reality even if it is a SciFi. How would light speed travel induce an ice age??
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