1. Posted: October 6, 2019In:

    Two NYT investigators must pursue three decades of sexually harassed women to incriminate a powerful film producer.

    SG2210 Logliner

    Thank you all for your feedback! I will try my best to improve this logline as best as I can - I am grateful for your help.

    Thank you all for your feedback! I will try my best to improve this logline as best as I can – I am grateful for your help.

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  2. Posted: October 8, 2019In:

    A young girl taken to an alternative world to be the starchild to save the world by putting on a ring called the starring given by God

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    You're focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot: Alternative world, fun. Starchild!? Ooooo. Good to know the ring is called the "starring". Given by a god?? OMG!   Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I'm noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what isRead more

    You’re focusing too much on world-building and not enough on plot:

    Alternative world, fun.

    Starchild!? Ooooo.

    Good to know the ring is called the “starring”.

    Given by a god?? OMG!

     

    Not trying to make fun.? Just emphasizing what I’m noticing.? Sounds like a nice fantasy adventure.? But what is wrong with the world?? What’s so special about this girl, that she should be given this responsibility?

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  3. Posted: October 8, 2019In:

    (5th revision) A half-wolf child causes a corpse to awake, thus disgracing his genie tutor; his redemption happens by learning about the human soul and becoming Anubis, the god of the dead.

    Scott Danzig Samurai

    You already have "half-wolf child", and "god of the dead"... I don't think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on thRead more

    You already have “half-wolf child”, and “god of the dead”… I don’t think the genie tutor needs to be mentioned.? I think there is a common thread though.? One must properly respect the dead in order to lead them, and defiling/animating corpses is not a good start.? Can the logline just focus on that?? Do we have to mention “learning about the human soul” explicitly?

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