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A selfish millionaire, widowed to a radical terrorist academic that collected torture porn, attempts to teach her children the merits of assertiveness skills and socialist feminism
Shizz:By "What's the visual?" I mean two things:1] An effective logline evokes scenes in the imagination of a? logline reader? as to what the conflict, the struggle will look like on a movie screen.? The imaginary scenes may be totally different than what the writer puts in the script. No matter; whRead more
Shizz:
By “What’s the visual?” I mean two things:
1] An effective logline evokes scenes in the imagination of a? logline reader? as to what the conflict, the struggle will look like on a movie screen.? The imaginary scenes may be totally different than what the writer puts in the script. No matter; what matters is that the words stimulate the reader’s imagination.
To be frank the part of your logline that stimulates the imagination (for better or worse) is “radical terrorist academic that collected torture porn” — but that seems to be back story, not the central story.? In comparison, the central story “teach her children the merits of assertiveness skills and socialist feminism” — not so much.
2] As indicated earlier, an effective logline states a concrete objective goal.? A concrete objective goal is one that can be a visualized on the screen in a way that informs viewers that the protagonist has succeeded or failed. For example, if a runner’s objective goal is to win the gold in the Olympics than there are two obvious visual moments? that inform the audience she has succeeded:? she breaks the tape at the finish line and she gets the gold medal draped around her neck as she stands on the highest pedestal.
So, what’s the visual for “teach her children the merits of assertiveness skills and socialist feminism”.? What does the scene look like that visually informs the audience that she’s succeeded or failed?? (Or are assertiveness skills and socialist feminism means, rather than ends?)
See less(4th revision) 3000 BC: a hybrid child, despised by the world, is adopted by a genie; causing his stepfater’s damnation, he must redeem himself and become the god of the dead, Anubis.
Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn't explained well in this version.Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather's damnation, the correlation between the two events isn't easy to see and also nRead more
Scott, I was reading previous versions, and I believe the hybrid is that of, half-wolf, half-human. But it isn’t explained well in this version.
Also, not sure how the main character being adopted leads to his stepfather’s damnation, the correlation between the two events isn’t easy to see and also not explained.
But I do think the story is interesting. And I think if the logline were as interesting as the story, it would definitely help sell this.
See lessWhen her mother dies suddenly and tragically, a distraught daughter must contend with her spiralling grief; but when the cult she has sought support from begins to take over her life, he must she must free herself and her family from their grip before they fall victim to a violent sacrificial ritual.
Deconstructing the logline, I get: Inciting incident = mother dies suddenly & tragically protagonist = distraught daughter suffering grief antagonist = cult of violent sacrificial ritual. A mother dying suddenly has a wonderful fairytale quality to it (although genre is Thriller). In my view, GrRead more
Deconstructing the logline, I get:
Inciting incident = mother dies suddenly & tragically
protagonist = distraught daughter suffering grief
antagonist = cult of violent sacrificial ritual.
A mother dying suddenly has a wonderful fairytale quality to it (although genre is Thriller). In my view, Grief is not a character trait – it’s an emotion, felt by said character. An example of a character trait might be Withdrawn – which is then the outcome of grief and sadness.
Think how the logline might personify the villain? Currently the cult feels very anonymous, vague, difficult to imagine.
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